Page 21 of Dreams
“Come on. Give me a quick answer,” Josh said.
Before she knew what she was doing, Taylor leaned over and pressed her lips to his. His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t pull away. His arms snaked around her back as she continued to kiss him. Her brain yelled at her to stop, but she just wanted to feel something. And Josh made her feel everything.
Tears slid down her face, leaving a salty taste on both their lips. It brought Taylor back to reality. She pulled away and scrambled off the couch.
“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to hold in the sobs that were threatening to break free. “I have to go.”
She ran towards the door with Josh calling her back.
“Taylor, are you okay?” he asked, confusion clouding his voice.
“Fine.” A sob broke free as she stepped into the waiting elevator.
“At least let me drive you home,” he pleaded.
“Please, Josh. Just let me go.”
The elevator doors closed, leaving her alone in the silence. It was late now and still raining buckets. She was soaked within seconds of leaving the building behind, but she didn’t care.
The rain washed the tears from her face, but her chest convulsed with painful sobs.
Taylor looked to the sky, letting the rain drops sting her eyes and roll down her face. “I’m so sorry, Danny,” she cried. She dropped to the curb and put her head in her hands. “I love you, so much. I’ll never stop, but I need your help. I want to live my life again. Help me get over you. Please.”
* * *
The rain started to let up by the time a car pulled up in front of Taylor. She was huddled under the overhang of a nearby building. She shivered as she slid into the passenger seat.
“You’re soaking wet,” Abigail said.
“It’s raining.” Taylor shrugged and held her arms closer to her body to try for a little warmth.
As if reading her mind, Abigail adjusted the vents so warm air could circulate inside the car. She then looked sideways at her passenger, expecting some kind of explanation. They still barely knew each other, so Taylor wasn’t exactly wanting to bare her soul. She hadn’t known who to call to come get her. Her parents would’ve freaked, and she hadn’t made any friends at school yet. So, she called her roommate, hoping she was still sober.
“I was surprised you weren’t out at some party.” Taylor said, trying to change the subject.
“I was tired,” Abigail answered. “I know what you think of me, but if you gave me a chance, you’d see that you’re wrong.” She looked straight ahead and started to drive.
Taylor couldn’t have felt worse. She used her fingers to brush away the wet hair that clung to her forehead and looked out her window. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There are just some things—“
“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”
Taylor sighed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then…
“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.
“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”
“The cutest.” She sighed.
“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend.Was she a friend yet?How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.
“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.
“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.
Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try to wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.
