Page 71 of Dreams
“No, actually you didn’t.” She stood back up in a hurry. “Don’t lie to me, Josh.”
“You’ve never been through a hockey season. It takes a toll on your body.”
“Can you promise me that’s all it is?” She looked him in the eye and he stared right back.
“Yes.”
She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. As he hugged her back, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying even to himself.
* * *
Before Christmas, the team seemed to hit their stride again. Josh went weeks without another episode, and his line benefited from that. They tore it up. Since the rumors, Mack had been doing everything he could to prove he wanted to succeed. There was no more drinking or late nights. Girls were kept at a minimum since he was still not over Abigail. He was even the first person alongside Josh who hit the ice for team workouts.
It was helping the team, and Josh was glad to see his friend pulling it together.
Josh spent Christmas Eve with Taylor’s family, and it wasn’t as weird as he’d expected, given that her dad was his coach. Her mom kept a close eye on him as if trying to figure him out and little Evie attached herself to his hip. Being around them made him think about his own family and what they were doing for the holidays.
When he called his mom, she seemed surprised to hear from him, and that was like a kick in the gut. He realized he hadn’t called her since the summer. He’d always held himself above his dysfunctional family, but he’d become just like them when he cut them out. She’d never admit it, but he knew his mother was lonely, what with having an unfaithful husband, a troubled son, and an absent son.
Ethan seemed even more surprised to get his call.
“I’ll be home in two weeks,” Josh told him. “Can we have a face-to-face while I’m there?”
“What’re you doing coming home during the season?” Ethan asked.
“Michaela’s…” he hesitated. “Ah, her wedding.”
“Oh.”
“I thought you knew.”
“I did,” Ethan sighed. “I just forgot.”
“Well, I’ll see you then.”
“Okay.”
“And bro,” Josh said quietly.
“Yeah?”
“Love you.”
“You too, man.”
He hung up the phone and exhaled. All-Star break and his trip home was speeding towards them, and he had a lot to deal with. He thought about trying to convince a certain girl to go with him, but then decided against subjecting her to his family. They’d get there eventually, but things would be extra stressful in the house with Michaela getting married. Ethan would never admit it, but Josh knew it was hard for him.
Taylor met his father and brother, but Josh understood that his mother was a whole different issue. Michaela, the toughest girl he knew, was even intimidated by her.
When Taylor came over that night, they spent quite a while making out like a couple of teenagers. Their relationship was still strictly PG - okay, more like PG-13 - but he didn’t mind. She wasn’t ready for that yet, but she would be. Every day she was getting closer to their future and further from her past.
“So,” he broke away from her and looked down into her face. Her lips were red and swollen as they spread into a sweet smile. He couldn’t resist give them one more kiss before speaking again. “I…” What was he going to say? The sudden urge to tell her how he felt sprang to his mind, and he almost blurted it out. Almost. Then he remembered who the girl in front of him was. It was too soon. It’d ruin it. He was sure of that.
Leaning back away from her, he ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated grunt.
“Whoa,” Taylor said, sitting up as well. “Total mood-shift there. What’s going on?”
Josh hated that he was getting frustrated. He knew he had no right. The relationship had been slow from the beginning, with her dipping a toe in one at a time while he’d already been in the deep end. That was how it had to be. The logical side of his brain said he should be happy she was ready at all, because he knew he’d still want her even if she didn’t want him. Been there. Done that. Their “friendship” had been a ruse with his feelings hidden from view.
