Page 77 of Dreams
Chapter Nineteen
Taylor hadn’t stayed for the rest of the game. As soon as she could, she wound her way through the arena and out to the parking garage. Her mom and Evie tried to come with her to make sure she was okay, but she just wanted to be alone. They thought she was headed to the hospital. She should have been going there. If she was a better person, she would have. Instead, she selfishly went back to her dorm. Abigail wasn’t there, so she was able to shut the door and block out the world.
Taylor tossed her coat and purse to the side as she leaned up against the solid door and slid her back down it until her butt hit the floor. Huge, ugly sobs came out of her small mouth as her chest heaved painfully. She clutched at the hem of her shirt and angrily kicked her shoes off, flinging them across the room.
It was a wonder she drove at all, let alone across the city to get home. She thought she’d be cried out by now, that her eyes couldn’t possibly hold any more tears after months and months of it. She wasn’t crying for Danny anymore, that was something. No, this was one hundred percent Josh. When he went down on that ice, she didn’t expect him to get back up. She knew that was morbid. She knew she needed more faith than that. But, she was operating off experience here.
Danny’s death had taught her that when something went wrong, it went really really wrong.
She should have known something was up with Josh. That day at the river stuck in her mind. He’d promised her he was okay.
Her mind took a turn into anger even though she knew that wasn’t fair. He was lying in a hospital bed, maybe alone. He was probably more scared than she was about what happened. She should be there. She knew that, but rationality wasn’t home. It didn’t exist behind a veil of tears.
She crawled across her floor and then climbed into bed, sinking into the mattress, falling asleep atop a pillow that was damp with tears.
A fist pounded on her door a few hours later, waking her from a fitful sleep. She groggily got to her feet and pulled it open.
Her dad instantly pulled her close and wrapped her in a tight hug. His eyes scanned her face, taking in her red rimmed eyes and streaked makeup.
“Sweetheart,” he breathed, resting his chin on top of her head.
“Dad,” she cried. “I don’t…” the rest of the words didn’t come.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be just fine.”
She pulled away from him and hurriedly cleared her stuff off the desk chair so he could sit.
“Have you…” she hesitated. “Did you see him?”
He nodded, smiling sadly. “He’s fine. It’s a heart condition.”
“Like Danny.” She thought she said it inaudibly, but his smile dropped, the pain of that time returning to his eyes. Her dad had loved Danny too. He loved all his players, but Danny was special. Just like Josh. She suddenly realized how her dad must have felt as he stood over Josh on the ice and looked down into his face. Did he have flashbacks too?
Reaching over, she took his hand and squeezed. This wasn’t like Danny. She knew that. She just had to make herself believe it. She nodded for him to continue.
“He’s okay now,” he finished. “They still have more tests, but they’re just glad they caught it before…”
“Yeah, I know.” She looked up at her dad, knowing she was about the do the most selfish thing she could. “Dad, I can’t deal with this.” He nodded, so she continued. “I just… I feel like I’m drowning. I love him, Dad.” She buried her face in her hands, and her whole body shook with sobs. “I need to get my head on straight, but I can’t be there for him while I do.”
She knew that every word out of her mouth was one she couldn’t take back.
“I need to get out of here.”
“Honey, what about school?”
“I don’t have any big tests and I can get the notes for most of my classes online.”
“You know what this will do to Josh?” he asked.
“Dad.”
She’d only ever had two important boyfriends, both of whom had also been important to her father. As much as he loved her, he was protective of them.
“Josh has spent months comforting me and helping me be me again. He doesn’t need someone like me around when he’s going through this. I can’t help him. I just… can’t.”
He reached out and cupped her cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “Okay.”
He didn’t ask her where she was going. He knew. She was running to her best friend and the town where everything happened.
