Page 80 of Dreams
“I just need to make a stop,” Josh said before giving Ethan directions.
He shouldn’t be doing this. It was desperate. It was pushy. Both things he knew Taylor wouldn’t respond to. He didn’t hold it against her that she stayed away from the hospital. He got it. But he could feel her slipping through his fingers, and he couldn’t lose everything.
She was the only thing that could pull him out of that dark place he felt himself slipping into. The place where he no longer had a direction, a purpose.
Taylor wasn’t answering her phone, so he called Abigail.
“She’s not here,” Abigail said when she answered.
“Do you know where she went?” he asked.
“No. I got back, and there was just a note that she was leaving for a few days. Try her parent’s place.”
“Okay, thanks.”
He had his brother turn around and head in the other direction.
“What’d you do?” Ethan asked.
“What?”
“If she’s not answering your calls, then that means she’s mad at you.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Josh snapped. He didn’t want girlfriend advice from someone who was worse at relationships than him.
“You must have.”
“God dammit, Ethan,” Josh suddenly broke and the anger that had been building up in him since his diagnosis came pouring forth. “I collapsed on the ice. That’s what I did, Asshole.”
“Man, that’s cold. She’s seriously upset about that?”
“You don’t understand.” As quickly as it came in, the anger was gone. Josh rested his head back and sighed. “When I went down, it must have brought back everything I‘ve tried so hard to help her forget. She watched her boyfriend die on the ice. The kid she was supposed to be with. I wish more than anything that I could give him back to her, but then some days I’m just glad that I get to have her, and that makes me feel like a selfish ass.” He closed his eyes and groaned as his brother continued to drive in silence.
“I’m in love with a girl who can’t possibly ever love me completely,” he said quietly. “And I knew that going in. What kind of masochist does that make me?”
A beat of silence passed before Ethan spoke.
“Do you remember when we were young, and I used to get on your case about your hockey obsession?” His voice was low, almost a whisper.
Josh regarded his quiet brother beside him, not really sure how that related to his admission. He did remember. Ethan could be cruel about it. Josh was always the focused one of the two. But, when Ethan was off chasing girls, Josh was training. He ended up making it to the NHL. It took a call from their dad to get Ethan into Harvard med.
Josh nodded slowly.
“Hockey mattered more than anything to you,” Ethan went on. “More than school. More than girls. More than your family.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. Josh, your career is probably over, and we’re in the car going after a girl. You’ve changed is all.”
“We haven’t known each other in a long time, Brother.”
“No, I guess we haven’t.”
A few months ago, Josh would have thought he imagined the sadness in his brother’s voice.
Before he could dwell on it too much, they pulled up outside Taylor’s parents’ house.
“I hope you find her,” Ethan said as Josh got out and strode up the walkway.
