Page 10 of We Thought We Knew It All
And some things would forever remain the same.
5
Jamie
He shouldn’t have come.
Those were the words that drifted through the door separating them from me.
My brother was right. There was that old saying “You can never go home again” and there was a reason it was widely used. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking.
Ten years was a long ass time.
When I left, I hadn’t meant for it to turn out like this. I was going to make something of myself, prove my father wrong. Then I’d come home to my brother, my best friend, and my girl. I knew I’d have no claim on her as soon as I joined up, but I hadn’t expected her to get married. It’d only been six months since I left her when Colby told me she was engaged and pregnant with the guy’s baby.
And I thought boot camp was hard.
Everything I saw for the future shifted and I could only focus on what was right in front of me. The army. I decided to spend all my effort on working to become a Ranger. I couldn’t think about my old life while I was trying to get the job done.
The first year was hard. Colby tried to keep in touch. Jay called once or twice. Even Callie tried at first. Then it got easier after that. The longer I was away, the less I wanted to be reminded. I’d leave on missions for months at a time sometimes. Eventually, they gave up on me.
Colby reminded me too much of Callie and all the things I wanted to forget. Jay brought my father to mind. They both were connected to the feeling of helplessness I’d felt one too many times.
I never wanted to be helpless again. I never wanted to be hiding in a locker room while the people I knew were in danger.
That was the fuel I used to keep going. It made me into the best damn soldier I could be.
And now I was back, once more disappointing those around me; once more useless.
I escaped into the peaceful quiet of the basement, needing to get myself under control.
He shouldn’t have come.
How did you mourn a man who had nothing but scorn and a closed fist for you?
How did you comfort a brother who knew you didn’t feel the same loss as him?
He shouldn’t have come.
The basement had changed since I was a kid. It’d been filled with the junk Jay’s mother hadn’t wanted anyone to see. Gifts from people she couldn’t throw out. Old, sentimental family things. The only time I’d spent down there was when I was hiding out from my father.
Now it was home to a set of dark leather couches and a plush rug. Artwork hung on the walls and in the corner was a mini art studio with an easel and a stand on which paints stood.
The painting on the easel depicted a beach scene, beautiful in its simplicity. I didn’t know my sister-in-law, but it must have been hers.
I looked around, my eyes settling on a guitar leaning in the corner of the room. The corner of my mouth tilted up as I took in the familiar swirling design on the stem and yellow strap.
I picked it up and sat on the couch, feeling the vibrations in my arms as I strummed once, twice, three times.
My shaky hand struggled to hold the cords. I tried to wrap my fingers around the neck, placing the tips on the strings. With a curse, I flung the guitar to the couch beside me.
My shoulders hunched as I leaned forward with my head in my hands.
A rustling sound made me snap my head up to find two young boys hiding on the other side of the couch.
“I don’t bite.” I straightened up. “No need to spy.”
For just a second, it reminded me of sneaking around this very house with Jay when we were boys.
