Page 14 of We Thought We Knew It All
His eyes softened for a moment before annoyance won over. “I don’t need you checking up on me.”
“Who says I’m checking up on you?” I asked, plopping down in an empty chair. “I just came to say hi.”
“Bull.”
“What’s with the nastiness? You seemed fine yesterday.” That was the wrong thing to say, and I knew it as soon as the words left my mouth.
“Fine?” he spat. “My dad is dead, California.”
I looked to Amber and her eyes pleaded with me desperately. Neither of us knew how to handle this version of the man in front of us.
“I know,” I said quietly.
“Oh, don’t act like you care. You hated him almost as much as Jamie did. Neither of you should be here.”
“Ok, I’m going to be nice here because you’re grieving and everything, but don’t you dare try to push me away. I admit, I thought your dad was a dick, but I’m still sad for what happened because I’m sad for you. I know what it’s like to lose a parent.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms, forcing myself to stay rather than leave him to stew. Two could play this game. Jay and I stared at each other stubbornly. It felt like every other fight we’d had when we were kids. A wave of memories rushed in and the corner of his mouth lifted. That was all I got before he refocused on his work.
Amber breathed out a sigh, never quite knowing what to do with the two of us. She sat in the chair next to me, rubbing a hand down her slowly growing belly.
A newspaper was resting on the edge of his desk, looking well-read. I reached for it and started leafing through the pages. Typical local stuff. A few crimes here and there - it was a pretty safe town. A new levy was being raised to start construction on a new gymnasium for the high school.
That caught my attention.
“You see this?” I asked, holding up the article.
Jay stopped what he was doing and scratched the side of his face absently. “Yeah. That’s been pretty big news around here. Daniels law worked on the deal. They start tearing down the old gym in a few days actually.”
I swallowed hard, my dry throat making that a painful endeavor, and skimmed through the article. I stopped reading when my vision went blurry with unshed tears.
The last reminder was coming down.
That was a good thing.
So why did it hurt to breathe?
I clutched my chest, sucking in as much air as I could before blowing it out slowly to try to slow my racing heart. The tears didn’t fall. I didn’t let them. I’d worked hard to not let that day have power over me anymore and as soon as it was brought back up I went into full blown panic attack mode.
The last time this happened was when my publisher suggested I use it for a story. I’d walked out of the meeting as soon as my legs would cooperate.
Writing had been my therapy when I first got to L.A. But it’d also torn open every wound I had. Every wound except that one. No, that was something I kept to myself.
A hand was on my back, rubbing up and down.
“You okay?” Amber asked.
Even Jay stopped his angry paper shuffling long enough to look concerned.
“Why are they doing this during the school year?”
“It’s hard to get any construction done on schedule in the summer here when so many of the workers go north and they’re wanting this done quickly and cheaply.”
I released my death grip on the arm of the chair slowly and looked to Amber. “I’ll check in again tomorrow.”
She smiled, but Jay had gone back to his work by the time I left.
