Page 22 of We Thought We Knew It All
“I think you’re in trouble,” his older brother said unhelpfully.
“Eat shit!” Declan parroted. “Eat shit!”
“Oh my God.” I banged my head against the wall and Jamie couldn’t hide his laugh this time. Even my glare didn’t shut him up.
“Declan, honey.” I picked him up out of his highchair. “We don’t say things like that. Liam, I asked you a question.”
“Daddy says it,” Liam finally answered.
“Of course he does.” I sighed.
“Liam,” Jackson chastised. “That’s one of the things we aren’t supposed to tell.”
“There’s more?” I fixed my oldest with a stare. “Wait, you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. In the future, you don’t keep secrets from your mother, got it?”
Jackson nodded, his lip trembling slightly. “Why doesn’t it matter anymore?”
“Oh, sweetie.” I knelt down in front of his chair. “Because we’re here and daddy is in Los Angeles.”
“I want to see him.”
I looked at Jamie helplessly, cursing the tears that sprang to my eyes. “Why don’t you take Declan to get ready to go to the beach. I think it’s about time you start learning to surf.”
His head sprang up, the tears drying up as he sprinted from the room in excitement.
I collapsed into his vacated seat, taking a bite of his cereal and resting my head on my arm. “How do I tell my kids that they won’t be seeing their dad very often anymore and that he didn’t even fight for that to be different?”
“You just do your best and hope they won’t blame you for it later.”
I glared at him. “Gee, thanks. I hadn’t even thought about that possibility.”
* * *
It was different,but also very much the same. The gravel parking lot had been paved; the large rocks removed to create a clearer path from the cars to the beach. They’d widened the beach, trucking in sand to do so, but the waves were the same. The water was kicked up slightly as the news yesterday said it would be. It wasn’t great for most surfers, but for beginners it was perfect.
I pulled a board out of the back of Jamie’s truck. It wasn’t my mom’s - that board was long gone. This was a long board, sleek and striped blue and white. It would do.
Jamie brought along his shorter board, but hadn’t expressed an interest in surfing himself.
“It’s been a long time,” he’d said. “We don’t do much surfing in the army.”
It’d been a while for me too, but I didn’t voice that. I’d always wanted to surf California waves, and I had. For years as my dad and I were building our relationship that was the language we used until we didn’t need to anymore.
I held a wiggling Declan as I walked to the edge of the water. This beach was where I grew up, where I learned how to be. I figured out so much about life here. Glancing back at Jamie, I realized he had too.
Jackson stood on the board where it lay in the sand and held his arms out as he imagined surfers did. I could practically see his mind working as he bent at the knees and leaned as if turning into a big wave. The sun glinted off his hair, making it look almost blond and when he grinned, I sucked in a harsh breath. Jamie bent down to say something to him and my grip on Declan tightened.
“Owww!” he yelled.
“Oh, sorry baby.” I snapped out of it.
“I’m not a baby.”
“Of course not.” I put him down in the sand, letting him run up to his brothers, as my heart pounded against my rib cage.
“I’ve already been taught how to scoop water and stand up,” Jacks said proudly to Jamie.
“I’ll bet you’re the best water scooper,” Jamie responded seriously.
