Page 60 of We Thought We Knew It All
The drive gave me time to clear my head and decide what I was going to say. I didn’t know if he’d be relieved or heartbroken. I didn’t know what I wanted him to be.
This was Jamie, the boy I’d known most of my life. I’d been in love with him since I was eighteen years old. I knew with everything that I was that he was the one. My Jamie.
My tears fell in time with the rain, creating the soundtrack to my drive.
By the time I arrived outside the hotel Colby told me Jamie was staying at, I had no more tears. All I had was a knowledge that my stubborn will was about to clash with his. I wouldn’t let him destroy us.
I stalked by the front desk, taking the elevator up to the second floor. Standing outside his door, a puddle formed at my feet. I was soaked, but I didn’t care. I was sleep deprived, and it didn’t even matter.
My knocks echoed down the deserted hall, and I swore I could hear a clock ticking as I waited. And waited. I knocked again.
“Just a minute,” Jamie’s voice called from the other side.
A moment later, he opened the door.
24
Jamie
I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to Callie as she stood in my doorway like a frightened cat. She looked up at me, blinking rapidly. She bit her lip as I stared at her in silence.
When her eyes started to shine, I wanted to pull her to me and hold her to keep the tears at bay. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not this time. The stab of betrayal was still too fresh. The picture I’d kept in my head of her for the past ten years was now too broken.
“Can I…” She stopped herself for a moment and squared her shoulders. When she spoke again, there was more strength behind it. “I’m coming in.”
She pushed herself by me and I didn’t stop her. I knew why she was there. I knew she’d come. They’d get the test done and then be able to tell me if all the secrets were worth it; if they’d done the right thing.
Callie walked past the bed, around the perfectly organized suitcase, and to the couch. The military had changed me from a messy, uncaring boy into an orderly, in-charge man. But she made no notice, and I hadn’t really expected her to.
She dropped her purse, and it hit the floor with a thud before she sat down.
“It’s late,” I finally said.
“No, it’s really not.”
She seemed to need to argue with me so I let her have that one. I knew how we got here, but I still didn’t understand it. Callie was looking at me, waiting for me to say something, anything that would keep her from falling apart. Her lips pursed together, refusing to tremble.
This was the girl I knew. The one who could raise three boys on her own and raise them well. When I was younger, I’d believed she could do anything. She was superhuman. Now I knew that she only believed she could do anything and that might have been the more powerful of the two.
The TV was on across the room and the talk-show I’d been watching returned from commercial.
“You watch Riley King?” she asked.
“This is a rerun, but yeah, I never miss it.” It was true. It’d been a tradition in my platoon - to watch this show together. Riley King was an Army Ranger turned talk show host. I’d kept up the tradition on my own. “Cal.” I turned away to escape from her penetrating eyes. “Just get on with it.”
“Will you talk to me first?” she asked as some of the strength seeped from her voice.
I closed my eyes with my back still facing her and breathed out a painful sigh. I couldn’t do it. I had so much anger and it scared me. I didn’t want to hurt her so it was best we got this over with before I said something really harsh. “No.” I finally turned back around. “You came here for a reason. Tell me.”
Silent tears slid down her cheeks. As she shook her head, her dark hair hung forward to cover her face. “I’m sorry, Jamie.” She hiccupped a sob. “Oh God, I’m so so sorry.” She hunched forward and wiped furiously at her damp face as her facade of fearlessness shattered on that hotel room floor.
“Jackson is Dylan’s.” My voice cracked on the words. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I didn’t have the right to be disappointed. Dylan raised him. I didn’t. Callie chose Dylan to be Jackson’s father, and it seemed she chose right.
The hope I hadn’t dared acknowledge cracked like a fractured vase that could be put back together, but would never truly be the same.
I sat on the arm of the couch and wanted in that instant to reach out to Callie, to mourn the son who could have been ours. But she wasn’t mourning, only regretful, sorry. She felt sorry for me, not herself. We weren’t in it together. We never had been. All these years. I realized then that she hadn’t failed to get Jackson tested sooner because of me. It really had nothing to do with me. It was so Dylan would never lose his son.
“You should probably go,” I said, getting to my feet once more.
