Page 72 of We Thought We Knew It All
InInvincible,a group of teenagers used each other to make sense of the world. They were broken and remained strong, remained together.
It was the story of us.
Emma’shad become a popular tourist destination, helped by both of my books. News clippings and pictures of my mother lined the walls. Posters and props from her movies complemented them. When I was younger, I’d needed to be out on the water with a surf board under my feet in order to feel her with me. Maybe that was a part of growing up. I’d learned to carry her with me wherever I went.
Jamie came out from behind the bar to wrap an arm around my waist. He placed his lips near my ear. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”
I grinned. “I love you too, babe.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
A blush crept up my cheeks and I stepped toward the bar, straightening the salt shakers and sugar packets. Zack, our talented bartender, shook his head at me. He and Jasper teamed up earlier to lecture me on enjoying my night and leave the running of the restaurant to them.
It felt odd being out in the evening, but my grandmother had come to watch the boys and Jamie was determined to make me enjoy myself. He’d even taken the day off work to be atEmma’sgetting things ready so I wouldn’t obsess over it.
It was a big night. My last book release.
Aunt Kat and Noah showed up next. They were dressed much fancier than me, but that wasn’t surprising. Kat gave me a big smile and a hug. “We’re so proud of you.”
Jay was behind them, but Amber had to stay home with their baby girl.
“Always knew you would do great things, Cal.” Jay released me and went off to join Colby.
My father walked up to kiss my cheek before being lost in the blur of congratulations and shaking hands. Seth came in with a stocky man by his side.
“Callie,” he said. “This is my son, Jerry.”
And that was how I found myself shaking hands with Matthew’s father at a party celebrating a book about Matthew changing our lives forever. It was surreal, but he pumped my hand strongly and didn’t say a word. I imagined it was all a bit too much for him. Just being there was a step, I guessed. Seth led them off to greet Morgan and I was called up front.
My publicist had organized much of the evening and wanted me to speak. I couldn’t say no, not tonight. Jamie released me, and I made my way to the front. Colby hollered something, but I couldn’t make it out, and Morgan added her voice to the din. Their cheers propelled me forward.
Over the last few days, I’d tried to come up with what I should say. Should I do a reading? Make a thank you speech? None of that seemed right and now I found myself in front of everyone without anything prepared. A stack of books sat on the bar behind me and I reached for one, hoping it would hold the answers.
“Any of you actually read this thing yet?” I laughed, running a hand over the cover that depicted a desolate beach being pounded by the waves.
A few people called out that they’d loved it.
I smiled. Was it strange of me to say I loved it too? That day was tragic and reading about it was hard, but I’d poured my heart and soul into those words. They were me.
I fingered the cover a little longer before looking up. My eyes flicked to Noah before I began speaking. “I had a teacher in high school who once said that we all experience things differently. Everyone who was at the dance on the night of the shooting could write a book and they’d all tell different stories. That’s why I wroteInvincibleas fiction. Because my non-fiction might be your fiction. This book is my experience, my perception of not only that night, but of high school, of life.”
I paused, not wanting to get preachy, and flipped open the cover.
“There are a lot of people who played a role in this book and I could’ve dedicated it to all of them, but I didn’t.” I looked up for just a moment, catching Seth’s watchful eye.
As I read the dedication, my voice grew quiet and it felt like Seth and Jerry were the only other people in the room. Their stares burned into me.
“To the boy who held me together. The boy who was too good and too young. And the boy who felt he had no other choice.”
Silence followed my words. The advanced copies hadn’t included the dedication and my words settled down around them, thickening the air. I closed the book and held it to my chest as I inhaled.
I looked to Morgan as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her mother openly wept beside her, but she was the first to move. She stood and walked across to me before gathering me in her arms.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Seth was next, but his son had left. “I’m sorry about Jerry,” he said, squeezing me tight. “I thought he could handle this. Thought it would be good for him.”
“I get it.”
