Page 34 of Roman and the Hopeless Romantic
“Not exactly. Actions are not who we are.”
“How do you know who I was? You didn’t know me then.”
She smiled. “Your dad speaks of you.”
“When do you talk to my dad?” Cassie sat up. Other than giving her the occasional ride, her dad never showed much interest in her recovery when he struggled with his own.
“He calls me quite frequently. Don’t worry, I do not reveal what you speak about. He just wants to know you’ll be okay. He worries about you.”
“My dad worries about me?” It didn’t fit with the image of the aloof man she had in her mind.
“And he speaks about you. That is how I know the real Cassandra Carrigan is still in there. Brutally honest. Unafraid. And that is the girl we need to find.”
“So, what’s today’s assignment for me?”
“Let’s start with honesty. Stop thinking so much before you speak, don’t consider your words. Just release them. Say what you want to say. You may find it lessens the constraints on your lips.”
“Honesty.” It was a tall order. Cassie hadn’t been honest with anyone in her life other than Annie in a really long time. But she was tired of thinking and holding everything inside. “I can try.”
Annie rewarded her with the kind of smile that made Cassie trust her in the first place.
They finished up their session, and Cassie rejoined Mary for the ride home.
Mary didn’t stay, she had her own family. As soon as Cassie walked in, Jesse and Roman raced out the door, throwing goodbyes over their shoulders. She checked the time, realizing she’d almost made them late for the game.
Will and Eli sat at the kitchen table eating dinner. “What did Jesse cook?” Her brother was the only reason their family stayed fed. She peered into the pot on the stove, inhaling the spicy scent of red chili.
“Wasn’t Jess.” Will stuffed a spoon in his mouth.
Eli didn’t look up from where he hovered over his bowl. “Roman is a better cook.” His eyes snapped up. “Don’t tell Jesse I said that.”
Cassie laughed. Her brothers had the kind of honesty Annie wanted from her. She spooned chili into a bowl and loaded it with sour cream and cheese. After taking a bite, she moaned. “You’re right, buddy. So much better than Jesse’s.” She sent him a wink, remembering the canned dinner Roman made for her the night before. Since when did he cook chili?
After she finished eating, she ushered the boys upstairs into her room where they jumped onto the bed. “Are we watching the game?” Will held his hands together as if in prayer.
“What else would we be doing?” she laughed. They still had a few more minutes before the game started, so she sat between the boys with her laptop on her knees. Honesty. Maybe it was easiest to start with kids. “You guys make it easier.”
“Make what easier, Cass?” Eli snuggled into her side.
She smiled down at him. “Life.” What she’d wanted to say was life without Mom, but she had to start small. Baby steps. Maybe one day she’d tell them how much it hurt.
But that was a pain she didn’t want them to share. Trying to push it to the back of her mind, she focused on the screen where the team skated out onto the ice. Jesse was first and Roman brought up the rear just like always, the two bookends of the team holding them all upright.
* * *
The Hurricanes won the game,still a novelty in their small Florida beach town. The crowd went wild, and Cassie could almost pretend she was there amid the noise and excitement. For just a moment, she wished she was.
Then she remembered who she was.
Girls like her didn’t get to do things like go to a hockey game or celebrate with their friends.
Or have friends.
No, she wouldn’t pity herself. She looked to the two sleeping boys curled up on her bed. Everything she needed was right here in her own home.
Except telling herself that broke Annie’s new rule, her challenge. Maybe honesty started with herself.
This sucked.There, she thought it. Now, if only she could say it out loud.
