Page 112 of Love is a Harmony
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Noah
The empty casket sat at the front of the large church with light streaming through stained-glass windows, casting the dark wood in a blue glow.
This part, at least, held a somberness, a respect. Noah knew it wouldn’t last, that the nobles and wealthy of London society would go back to the Clarke estate for a sort of wake that wouldn’t seem like a wake at all. The few people here who had known Carson hadn’t seen him in many years.
Within hours, their reasons for gathering would be forgotten.
Noah didn’t want to enter the sanctuary, he didn’t want to say goodbye. For days, he’d told himself he’d mourned Carson for months, so this day held no true purpose for him.
And it was a lie.
He’d dressed in the tailored designer suit his mother left for him. Stella gripped his hand. She wore a simple black dress that probably cost too much money. It too was chosen for her.
Unlike Noah, Ben and Drew were no strangers to fancy suits. The fabric seemed to fit them well while it only made Noah uncomfortable. He’d grown up in these surroundings, with these expectations and appearances. But he’d spent the last ten years changing who he was, breaking free of the image forced on him.
And here he was, back again.
“You okay, man?” Drew looked sideways at him. They stood waiting to follow Noah into the room.
He sucked in a breath. No, he wasn’t okay, but he wouldn’t tell them that. He’d broken down when they first arrived the day before but no more. He had to be strong. For Stella. For Ava. For Nan.
He looked down at the little girl, the reason he did everything he did. He had to push down his own emotions and be her rock as this service reminded her she’d never see her dad again.
“Is papa in there?” She gestured to the casket.
Noah smoothed a hand over her hair, letting it rest on her shoulder. “No. He’s still in France, remember?” Much to Noah’s parents’ dismay. He’d refused to have the urn full of Carson’s ashes dug up. His brother deserved to rest in peace in a place he loved.
“We’re going to sit near the back.” Ben gestured to a pew.
Noah looked from him to Drew. “Why would you do that?”
“The front is for family, Noah.” Drew offered him a sad smile.
Noah couldn’t imagine sitting at the front with his parents and not the real people who treated him like family. “You’re my family.” He didn’t give them room to argue as he pulled Stella away and led her past the crowd of people in expensive clothing and stupid hats.
Flashes of his childhood with Carson came back to him. They’d never fit in with these toff people, but they’d always had each other.
His mother scowled when he approached. “Son, your friends must sit back with Ava.”
Noah searched the pews for Ava, finding her halfway back. “You’re right, mother. We all belong with Ava.” He didn’t need to sit at the front to feel like Carson’s family.
Nan gripped his hand as he passed, and he could have sworn he saw pride in her eyes.
Ava looked up in surprise when the three rock stars and Stella joined her, but she didn’t say anything as she scooted over to make room.
The ceremony began when a priest quieted the crowd, lifting a hand and beginning a prayer.
Noah had wanted to speak, to share who Carson was—at least the version he knew—but his parents refused, afraid he’d say something uncouth. He wondered if normal families were proud of their successful children. Noah Clarke was a household name throughout the world, and his parents acted as if that fact was an affront to them.
But he didn’t need to tell any of these strangers about Carson, not when he had the rest of his life to share his brother with Stella.
He didn’t hear most of what was said as he stared at the picture of Carson they’d chosen to display at the front. It must have been taken soon before he left. In it, he didn’t smile. His dour expression fit the image of a Clarke son, but it wasn’t the brother Noah had known.
When the final music began to play, Noah stood beside a sniffling Stella who was doing her best not to cry. He bent down to meet her gaze. “Stell Bell, don’t let anyone ever tell you not to cry.” He nudged her chin. “You and me, kiddo. Okay? You’ll always have me.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tightly, not saying a word. Noah breathed into her hair, squeezing his eyes shut as people filtered out of the room.
