Page 19 of Don't Regret Me
“Perfect.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, let’s get back to those kids. They need us as much as we need them.”
It was dark by the time Nick left the church for the night, but when he got to the Beach Club, where he was staying, he couldn’t stand the thought of sitting in his room alone. Locking his car, he nodded to the lot attendant and climbed the stairs into the lobby of the grand hotel. He ignored the constant pain in his legs as he made his way through the opulent halls and out onto the terrace, where a staircase led down to the beach.
For years, he’d avoided being anywhere near the water. He hadn’t been able to see it without imagining Stephen gasping for air. But as he stepped onto the sand and peered across the dark sea, the heart-stopping fear didn’t come. Instead, he pictured his brother sitting in his favorite chair on the deck of the lake house, his eyes never leaving the lake. He’d loved it. The moon shining off the surface, the stars lighting up the black sky.
The beach was deserted as Nick walked toward the waterline, his breath catching in his throat. Why wasn’t he terrified? The feeling had been so visceral, so real for many years, completely freezing him. Yet, now, there was only calm.
He lowered himself to the sand, sighing in relief the moment his legs could relax. He caught something out of the corner of his eye, something that couldn’t be possible. Stephen.
But no, it wasn’t him. A different man walked the length of the beach with a similar long stride, one Nick missed too much.
He lifted his face to the stars, hearing his brother’s voice in his head.
“Our lives are made up of billions of tiny moments, some large and others inconsequential. A few stay with us, but it is only a fraction. Mostly, what we remember is how a moment made us feel, not what we saw, what we did. It’s like the stars. There are more of them in the sky than we can possibly fathom, but we only see a small number of them. It doesn’t mean the others aren’t there. No memory is ever truly gone. Some just shine brighter than others.”
Nick’s body jerked upright, and Stephen’s voice dropped away. When had he said those words? Was Nick only imagining what he wanted to hear?No memory is ever truly gone. He tried to recall them having that discussion, but there would have been no reason to talk of memories. Most of the ones they had growing up were worth forgetting.
“What are you saying, Stephen?” he whispered.
He leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees, trying to find his brother in the soft rolling of the waves, the cool, salty breeze. But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere.
“So, why am I not scared anymore?”
Shaking his head, Nick stood and turned, ready to head back inside. Something stopped him, a feeling he couldn’t explain. He had to test this new calm, to see if the fear was truly gone. Facing the ocean once more, he stripped off his shirt and threw it on the sand. He kicked off his shoes and socks, then his pants, until he stood in only his boxers.
After a moment of indecision, he walked forward until water splashed up over his toes, drawing the sand out from under them with its constant churning. The sea never rested, never truly calmed. It was the heartbeat of the world. The oceans connected all people throughout time.
Nick held his breath as he walked in deeper. When the ocean floor dropped off, he kicked out, letting the weightlessness carry him. It came naturally, like there’d never been a rift between him and any body of water, like he’d never dreamed of the fathomless depths, waking up in a sweat only to realize it was true. Stephen was gone.
Closing his eyes, he sank beneath the surface. A wave crashed overhead, pushing him sideways, closer to the beach. His eyes popped open underwater, the salt stinging. At first, he couldn’t see anything in the dark, but then a flash of gold. Blond hair, as fine as the thinnest threads, as gold as the sun at dusk, fanned out around a face he could not see.
He swam after her, and images invaded his mind. The house by the lake he bought with Stephen. A wooden dock bobbing as the wind cast ripples across the water. Sun beating down on him as he sat on the deck.
He didn’t remember any of it, but he knew without a doubt it had happened.
Who was the woman?
His lungs ached, and he kicked toward the surface, breaking through at the crest of a rolling wave. What did the lake house have to do with his missing memories?
Reaching the beach, he walked from the water and used his shirt to dry off. He didn’t bother getting dressed before heading back into the Beach Club. A few people stared, but they didn’t say a word.
When he reached his room, he retrieved his phone and made a call.
Jasper answered on the second ring. “It’s after business hours, Nick.” His business manager was a stickler for that.
“Yes, I know.” Nick dried his hair with a towel from the bathroom. “I just wanted to let you know I’m coming out to the house in two weeks for the weekend.” He’d made the decision the moment he left the ocean behind. That house was the key to his memories, he was sure of it.
“Nick, you know I need more notice than that. It’s booked that weekend.”
There were serious downsides to owning a rental. “Then, find me a house nearby because I have to be there.”
10
ELIZABETH
Liz burned her third piece of chicken of the night and sighed. It was one of those days where she couldn’t do anything right. She’d agreed to let Corey take the kids and hadn’t heard from them since he picked them up from school. But neither had she had any calls from the hospital saying they were horribly injured. That was something, at least.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Nora asked. “It isn’t like you to ruin anything, yet you can’t seem to do anything right.”
