Page 56 of Don't Regret Me
They did nearly identical cannonballs into the water before bobbing to the surface. Liz lowered herself to sit on the dock, her bare feet skimming the top of the water. The wooden boards undulated with the ripples caused by the children, and she couldn’t help wondering if Nick was still terrified of the water. They’d worked so hard to get through his fear, but if he forgot their entire time together, did that fear still crowd his mind?
“Mom, watch!” Owen pulled himself onto the dock before jumping off again, this time in a sort-of dive. It was an attempt, at least.
Liz smiled against the rim of her mug. “Nice job, buddy.”
“This seat taken?” Her dad didn’t wait for an answer before sitting with surprising agility.
“Never.” Since waking from the coma, since knowing Nick, Liz had new knowledge of how lucky she was to have the people she loved in her life. She glanced back at the house, where Jasmine and Booker were cooking something for breakfast. They’d shooed her away when she tried to help.
Amazing friends were one thing, but a parent she could count on was worth more than anything in this life. She was determined to be like her father as the twins got older. Always there for support or advice. Worrying about their choices when they were harmful, but always with an eye to make them better. She didn’t care if they grew up to be rich, if they were athletic or beauty queens.
She wanted them to be kind. True happiness evolved from how a person saw the world, how they treated others and demanded they be treated in return. That was what mattered. Empathy, compassion, a drive for equality. It might not get them everything they wanted, but they would have all they’d ever need.
She leaned her head on her dad’s shoulder and watched her kids.
Her dad sighed. “This place isn’t the same as it used to be.”
“I thought that the first time I saw all the updates too. Nick and his brother remodeled so much of it, but the soul of the house is still here. She’s still here.”
“Your mother will always be wherever I am, Liz. That’s not this house or the one in Florida. They’re only wood and stone. She’s in me, in you. In those beautiful, wild kids of yours.”
Liz blinked away tears as she looked at the kids splashing each other, giant grins on their faces.
Her dad continued. “But I wasn’t talking about your mother.”
“What do you mean?” She lifted her head, her eyes meeting his.
“You used to be so happy here. It was your haven, the one place you were truly at peace. But that’s gone now, isn’t it?”
“No… I…” Was it? Had everything completely changed for her? “I miss him, Dad.” A tear streaked down her cheek. “I miss him like I miss Mom. I love him more than this place, more than any place.”
“Honey, he isn’t dead. I have to wait until my time is up to see your mom again, but Nick doesn’t live only in your heart. You don’t have to wait for anything.”
“I messed up.” She wiped her face. “He didn’t believe me. Not about the dream, not about what Jasmine and I were up to. I ruined everything.”
“Liz—”
“Do you mind watching them?” She couldn’t sit here crying, not when there was something she had to do. A script she had to find, if only to prove to herself all of this happened for a reason, that she hadn’t made up anything.
She didn’t wait for her dad’s answer before pushing to her feet and hurrying up the grassy incline to the deck.
“Liz!” Jasmine greeted her when she stepped inside. “We’re making French toast.”
“It’ll be ready in a bit.” Booker nudged Jasmine out of the way so he could flip the food in the pan.
She rushed past them, pushing into Nick’s room. Her dad was staying in there during their visit. It no longer held Nick’s things. The closet was empty, as was the dresser save for the few things her dad unpacked into there. The walls were a calming blue instead of the darker tones she remembered. And there was a white bedspread.
Every bit of Nick was wiped clean.
She tore through every drawer, moving to the bedside table. Crouching down, she peered under the bed. But there was nothing. The book that had barely left Nick’s hands wasn’t here. She sat back on her heels, pressing her hands into her knees.
The door opened, and Booker peered in. “Breakfast is… You okay?” He stepped inside, concern etched into every groove of his face.
“No.” She stood and shoved by him. “I have to find it.”
“Find what?” He followed her into the hall, his tone betraying his worry. It had been clear since that first demand in the hospital to see Nick that her best friend thought she’d lost her mind.
She didn’t answer him, going to the one other place it could be. A sign on the door read “Owners’ Closet” but she knew it wasn’t a closet at all. It had been her dad’s office and now served as Nick’s when he was here, which was seldom.
