Page 71 of No Rhyme or Roughing
Sam cracked first, her smile the one I used to love spreading across her face. “You were awesome.” She looked at me. “You both were.”
Sullivan grunted. “They were okay.”
“Fuck that.” Sydney held up her phone. “I have proof they were more than okay. After dinner, I’ll head back to Teddy’s place and edit it. We’ll post the video in the morning.”
“Can I see it?” Sam asked.
Sydney scooted closer to Sam, and the two of them hunched over the phone, murmuring and laughing together. I shouldn’t have been surprised. They were alike in so many ways, both pushing me to be more—more free, more open.
Baby.
A word Sydney had used for someone else only an hour ago.
I grabbed a roll from the basket the server had placed on the table and tore off a piece, chewing it aggressivelyas Sullivan said something that made both women smirk. Teddy laughed with them, but I felt like I was underwater. Like none of their words reached me.
I swallowed hard, choking down the dry bread before gulping some water. “I need some air.” Scooting back, I stood and left the table before any of them could respond.
Outside, three white steps took me up to a wooden balcony overlooking the marina. I stopped at the worn railing, my fingers brushing over the peeling pearl paint. Strings of tiny lights lit up the space, where a few occupied tables sat in quiet clusters.
I gulped in the fresh air. How was I supposed to get through the rest of dinner with people who made my heart race for so many different reasons?
I expected Teddy to come after me, meddlesome as ever, but it was a different voice that found me from the doorway.
“You okay?” Sydney’s tone was quieter than normal, more tentative. Like she was guarding her words, as if I were anyone else.
“Yeah, sure.” I couldn’t face her. Couldn’t let her see how much I missed my brother. How confused I was about what had happened between us. How the only time I felt free—reallyfree—was when I was dancing on that ice, making an idiot of myself.
“Don’t fucking lie to me.” She stepped up to the rail, narrowed eyes aimed at me. “You’re not okay.”
“No,” I sighed. “I’m not.”
“Your brother and Sam are…”
“A lot. They’re a lot to fucking take.”
“Because you still love her.”
She didn’t understand, but I didn’t have the energy to explain, so I said, “Because I still lovehim.”
Her head bobbed, a quiet acknowledgment. “You’re mad at me.”
“I’m…I don’t know what I am.”
“What you are is not looking at me.”
I didn’t respond.
“Fucking look at me, Ryder.”
I couldn’t help smiling as I turned to her. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a filthy mouth?”
“It’s not the only thing about me that’s filthy.” She bumped her hip against mine.
“Jesus Christ, Sydney.” I covered my face, but she pulled my hand down.
“Prayer will not help you,” she said, grinning.
She was right there, so close I could pull her into my arms. “Do you want me to just forget?”
