Page 56 of Stick to the Plan
Arms surround me, and I realize Nic has knelt on the floor with me. She murmurs nonsense, trying to calm me down. I have no idea how long we sit there. Gently, Nic pushes me upright so she can see my face. “Bree, honey, you’re scaring me. What happened? I sent you off on a plane barely 12 hours ago. Why are you here?”
“Rachel…hotel…naked.” Another round of racking sobs takes me. I’ve never cried like this. I might never stop.
Nic gasps, and her hands tighten on my arms. “Come on, let’s get you inside. Have you slept at all?”
I let her lead me through her spacious penthouse, completely in a fog. Like a rag doll, she sits me on the bed, pushes water into my hands, andtakes off my boots. Once she’s satisfied with the amount of water I sip, she eases me down onto the bed and covers me with a blanket. The door bounces open a bit behind her, leaving a line of light in the otherwise dark room.
My body feels heavy. Amazingly, the tears stop. My face is tight and gritty where it rests on the pillow. Every time I close my eyes, Rachel opening the door plays over again in my mind. So I just stare at the door and let the numbness spread.
Eventually muffled voices catch my attention from the main room. The door crack brightens and the sounds intensify. The bed dips lightly and then Riley’s warm, furry body rubs against my chest. He whines softly before working to lick the tears off my face. I wave him away and he lays down next to me, head tucked on his paws, eyes watchful.
“I’m telling you, Anna. I’ve never seen her like this. I’m really worried.” Nic’s words are clipped and slightly breathy. She’s no doubt pacing.
“She was so excited to go out there.” The slight clang of a pan can be heard. When there’s a crisis, Anna cooks. “Nic, is this seriously all the food you have in the house? Sweet Jesus, this fridge is empty!”
“I’m leaving for a week long shoot tomorrow, remember? Seriously, not the point right now, Anna.”
“I’ll tell you what, you have a point, but we will be circling back to your eating habits. Did she say what happened?”
“All I got was something about Rachel being naked in a hotel. You don’t think…”
The indelicate snort sounds like Anna. “Wouldn’t be the first time with that jezebel.”
“Yeah, but she wasn’t this upset when she broke up with Chris. Remember? I’m not even sure she cried after Chris. Anna, you weren’t there. She literally collapsed at my feet and I had to put her to bed likea child. Brianna doesn’t get upset, she just makes a new plan and keeps going.”
Glass clatters on a hard surface, drawers open and slam closed. “Ok, Ok, let’s go see if she’ll eat some noodles. We’re also going to have a chat about how much processed food you eat.”
Increasingly louder footsteps pad across the floor. I don’t move. The room brightens as one of the girls opens the door. Riley whines and butts my arm with his nose. I still don’t move.
“Brianna, honey? I got some food for you. Care to sit up and tell me what happened?” The smell of butter hits my nose first, then a bowl enters my eyeline as Anna sits it on the nightstand. The bed dips, first on one side and then the other, as both Anna and Nic sit next to me. I take a shuddering breath, releasing it as a broken sigh. Anna’s eyes widen as she looks past me.
A hand grips my arm and pulls me to a sitting position. I shake Nic’s hand off before she can dislocate my shoulder, and grudgingly push myself to a seated position against the headboard. Numb, I stare straight ahead.
“Come on, just tell us what’s wrong and we’ll make a plan together.” Anna’s smile is slight but encouraging as she presses the warm bowl into my hands.
I stare down into the bowl. Egg noodles, butter, and a sprinkle of grated parmesan cheese. My stomach rumbles slightly, a reminder I’ve barely eaten in the last fifteen hours. Normally, anything Anna makes is delicious, but the food turns to ash as I force one bite after the other into my mouth. As I swallow the last bite, Anna swaps the bowl for a cup of tea. Clutching the teacup to my chest, I haltingly tell my friends what happened at the hotel.
Cried out again, I sit with my head on Anna’s shoulder, Riley in my lap, and Nic on my other side slowly stroking circles on my hand withher thumb. The hole in my heart starts to heal a little, surrounded by the love of my friends.
“Why aren’t I enough?” My voice breaks on the final word. A hot tear rolls down my cheek. Funny, I thought I was out of tears.
“Brianna Sadie Chance! Don’t you say that.” Nic’s tone is sharp and her hand pauses its motion.
“Why don’t they stay? Colin… Chris… Even my father left when I was a kid. What do I have to do to be good enough?” I lift my head and look Anna in the eye.
“Sugar, that’s about them, not about you. You are perfect the way you are.” Anna’s eyes fill with pain and she strokes her hand down my hair.
I shake my head and turn away from her. Dropping my head back against the headboard, I stare ahead, unseeing, my mind stuck in the past. “Don’t you get it? There’s a clear pattern and I’m the only common denominator here! After my father left, I never wanted to be abandoned again. If I was just good enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. Maybe my father would have stayed. Maybe my mother would be proud of me for once.”
My chin trembles, and I squeeze my stinging eyes as more tears fall. “So I pushed myself at school. I thought if I planned everything, I wouldn’t be surprised again. That way I couldn’t get hurt. Then Chris used me and cheated on me. Sleeping with your secretary is so cliche, but I didn’t care. He used his access to me to make insider deals, then covered it up by implicating my mentor. And I saw none of it coming!”
The girls gasp and share a look. I never told them what really happened, but the words flow out now.
Laughing bitterly, I shake my head and wipe my nose on my sleeve. “Me! Whose whole job is to foresee issues and work around them, I didn’t even notice my own fiancée was committing a fucking felony. And better yet! Couldn’t gather the proof toaccuse him. Didn’t stop him from getting my boss fired when I called it off. Did I fall apart then? Hell no, because I never really loved Chris. He just fit my plan. I went on like nothing bothered me. I pushed myself at work. It got me dubbed the Ice Queen, but I had the last laugh when my billables doubled theirs. I adapted. Until Colin.”
I choke on a fresh sob. “With Colin, I felt more myself than I ever have.” I shrug with a teary smile. “No longer the uptight robot so many people see. I trusted him. Completely. I relaxed for maybe the first time in my life. Stopped planning.” Turning to Anna with blurry eyes, I continue, “I got surprised.”
Anna’s eyes glisten. “You got hurt, sugar.” I nod, my breath hitching.
