Page 81 of The Duke of Fire
Sebastian pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. “You do not understand. I have never done this before. I do not know how to love someone the way she deserves. My whole life—every part of it—has been rules and trades. I do not know what happens if I give her my heart and she leaves anyway.”
“Mm. How do you know she will leave?” Cassian asked. “A woman who loves you will only leave if she is not happy. You are afraid of what is already happening now. You have made it happen.”
Sebastian exhaled harshly, doing nothing to alleviate the feeling inside him. He did not like discussing topics like love with his friends. He hated being vulnerable.
“You have been running away for too long,” Benedict said, gently placing a hand on his arm. “But maybe it’s time to stop running. Maybe she is the one.”
Hours later, in the early morning hours, his grandmother came to see him in the drawing room. She wore a shawl around her shoulders. Her white hair was pinned in a simple bun, instead of her usual fancy hairstyles.
“You have been drinking,” she said evenly. “Too much.”
“I have,” he admitted, voice hoarse.
There was no need to deny anything. He looked and smelled terrible.
“As the Duke of Firaine, you are allowed many excesses. What you did tonight is much more than that. But what you did tonight was not indulgence. It was grief.”
Sebastian’s jaw tightened. “I know how to protect myself.”
“No, my boy. What you know is how tohide.Behind your rank, your charm, your control. But none of that will shield you from regret. Not this time.”
He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat did not budge. “If I lose her—”
“You will,” she said gently, “if you do nothing.”
Silence pressed between them.
“You have wasted years chasing noise,” she continued. “Women. Games. Reckless pursuits. I never stopped you. I thought you needed to learn in your own time. But I have never seen you care like this. Never seen yousufferlike this.”
She walked toward him, rested a hand on his shoulder.
“She will go. And you will survive it, as men do. But if you let her slip away without trying—if you let pride dictate your choice—you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will look at the emptiness beside you and wonder why you never dared tofight.”
Sebastian sat motionless as her words sank in. Even after she left, her voice lingered in the room, clinging to the corners like fog.
He was a man who prided himself on surviving.
But maybe, this time, surviving was not enough.
Chapter 31
“Amelia, what are you doing?”
Finch’s voice cracked. It sounded disbelieving. After all, weren’t they getting along better these days? He looked dazed and still slightly inebriated from all the fun he had at Almack’s.
On the other hand, Amelia was already dressed in a simple green gown and a black cape. Her hands were protected by thick gloves, and her hair had been suitably coiled up by her own hands as she had not wanted to disturb Mary. Her trunks were packed, as well. She was ready.
“I am leaving,” she said calmly, her tone as cold and clear as frost. “This is no longer my home. My life with you and Octavia ends here.”
Finch stepped into the room, scanning the corners for whatever he thought she might be hiding. A surprise? A jest? Perhaps that was what he thought it was.
“What about the duke?” he demanded, voice rising. “Did he promise you something? Pay you to keep quiet? Is he sendingyou off to bury the scandal before it erupts? Are youwith child?” he demanded, turning red with rage.
She knew that he was still not too happy about her involvement with the duke, and she could not blame him for that. However, he did not have the right to accuse her of running away to hide.
Amelia did not flinch. “No, I am not. And the duke is not forcing me to do anything. He is helping me leave because I asked him to.Imade the decision. Not him. Not you.”
“You are just like her,” Finch muttered, his lips curled in derision.
