Page 83 of The Duke of Fire
A fresh beginning!
It was bittersweet, but at least she could smell freedom. The carriage waited for her as planned. She climbed inside without any help and vowed not to look back.
Then, off they went, the horses jolting forward as if they knew how much Amelia wanted to escape her current life. Even though she had put on a brave front, it was still difficult not to cry, but she told herself that she was done with that part of her life.
Amelia told herself that she made the right choice. She had been sending letters to a few families, applying for the job of governess. She had put together some Latin and Greek translations and was fortunate to be granted an interview with a family.She would live quietly, with dignity, on her own terms.
So why did her heart feel like it had been carved out of her chest?
Her body remembered the heat of his hands. Her lips still tingled from his kiss. Her limbs still ached with the memory of how he moved inside her, how he whispered her name like a prayer.
It was madness. She should hate him. She should feel ashamed for agreeing to his scandalous bargain. Finch had said as much—and hadn’t she proved him right?
But she had not planned onlovingSebastian. That was never supposed to happen.
She blinked hard, furious at the tears blurring her vision. She had made the right choice. She was going to build a life of her own. No one could take that from her. After all, he had never told her whether he would marry her.
That was answer enough.
She blinked away the heat behind her eyes and tried to rest. Her body was exhausted, her mind spinning. But just as she was starting to drift off, the carriage jolted violently to a stop. She sat up straight, her heart pounding. One hand reached for the small knife tucked in her bag. Then she looked out the window.
There was a man standing in the road, blocking the way. Sunlight hit his shoulders, but she would have known that silhouette anywhere.
Sebastian.
Chapter 32
What is he doing here?
Her breath caught at the sight of him. He did not look like his usual polished self. He looked disheveled, like a man who had been running through the streets of London. Hair uncombed, cravat loose, and coat flung over him like he barely noticed he had put it on. There were shadows under his eyes, stubble on his jaw, and something raw in his gaze that made her chest tighten painfully.Desperation.
He strode toward the carriage and wrenched its door open. Amelia flinched, her heart lurching.
“I… I thought I should let you go. I told myself it was the noble thing to do,” he said, his voice rough and unsteady. “I told myself that you would have a better life away from me. Away from London. But I was a fool, Amelia.”
“Sebastian…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but saying his name felt like setting fire to her own restraint.
“I haven’t slept. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t even bring myself to bathe.” He gave a broken laugh. “I told myself I was protectingyou. But the truth is—I can’t breathe without you,” he continued, moving closer to her.
Her eyes widened at that. Her lips parted, but nothing came out, even though she had many things to tell him.
“This whole time, I was worried about ruining you, but you have ruined me. Ever since I met you, I can think of nothing but you.”
Then, like something out of a fever dream, he dropped to his knees in the mud. She whimpered at the sight of a duke kneeling before her.
“I am not here to trap you,” he said hoarsely. “If you still want to leave—if that’s your dream—go. I will wait for you. For as long as it takes. I will search the whole world if I have to. But I had to come now, while I still had the chance. Because if I let you go without saying this—” His voice broke. “I will never forgive myself.”
“Don’t do this, Sebastian,” Amelia begged, her hands clenched into fists in her lap.
“Iloveyou, Amelia.”
She should not listen to this. This was pure temptation. This was an illusion of the things she had hoped for, dreamed about.
“I love you.” This time, his voice broke. “I was a coward when I did not answer your question about whether I would marry you if you stayed. I am broken, Amelia. I am afraid to love and lose and be mere splinters on the floor that you can no longer gather. My whole life has been rules and masks and… bargains. But thenyoucame and shattered everything I thought I knew. I can’t go back to the man I was. I don’twantto.”
Tears formed in her eyes, blurring her vision. She wanted to scream. To run. To throw herself into his arms. All at once.
“You can’t just say these things to stop me from leaving,” she said shakily. “Not if it’s pity—”
