Page 53 of Tempted By a Highland Beast
“But still, yer afraid of losing yerself,” Lilias finished gently.
“Aye.” The admission felt like exhaling a breath she’d been holding for weeks. “I’ve spent me whole life preparing tae lead me clan, tae be the voice of me people. Marrying Constantine means becoming part of something larger, and I don’t ken how tae dae that without disappearing entirely.”
Lilias was quiet for several heartbeats, her expression thoughtful. When she finally spoke, her words were careful yet firm. “May I ask ye something, Rowena? Please dinnae take offense.”
“Of course.”
“What exactly are ye defending by staying unmarried? What are ye protecting by keeping yerself separate?”
The question caught Rowena off guard. She’d been so focused on what she might lose that she hadn’t fully considered what remaining alone would cost her and her people.
“I’m protecting me autonomy,” she said, but even as the words left her mouth, they felt hollow. “Me right tae make decisions fer me clan without outside interference.”
“And how well is that working fer ye?” Lilias asked, not unkindly. “Yer uncle has already seized control of yer lands and people. Yer autonomy is already compromised, isn’t it? The question is whether ye’ll let him keep it, or whether ye’ll fight tae reclaim it.”
Rowena felt something shift in her chest, a perspective she hadn’t allowed herself to consider. “Marriage tae Constantine would give me the strength tae challenge Alpin’s claim.”
“More than that,” Lilias said earnestly. “It would give ye a partner in that fight. Someone who understands strategy and warfare, who has the resources and reputation tae standagainst yer uncle’s ambitions. Ye wouldn’t be facing this alone anymore.”
The thought sent a complex mix of relief and terror through Rowena’s veins. She’d been carrying the weight of her clan’s future on her shoulders for so long that the idea of sharing that burden felt almost foreign.
“But what if I lose meself in the process?” she asked, voicing her deepest fear. “What if becoming Constantine’s wife means I stop being Rowena MacKenzie?”
Lilias stopped walking again, turning to face Rowena with fierce intensity. “Dae ye really believe that? After everything ye’ve told me about him, after the way he’s treated ye, dae ye honestly think Constantine would want ye tae be anything other than who ye are?”
Rowena considered the question, thinking of Constantine’s patient respect for her opinions, his willingness to negotiate rather than demand, the way he’d looked at her when she’d insisted on being his equal partner rather than his subordinate.
“Nay,” she said quietly. “I dinnae think he would.”
“Then what are ye really afraid of?” Lilias pressed gently.
Rowena was quiet for a long moment, searching for the courage to voice the truth that had been lurking at the edges of herconsciousness. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.
“I’m afraid of caring about him too much. I’m afraid of wanting this tae work so badly that I’ll compromise pieces of meself tae make it happen.”
The admission hung in the cold air between them, raw and vulnerable. Lilias’s expression softened with understanding and something that might have been admiration.
“Ye care about him already,” she said, and it wasn’t a question.
“He makes me feel…” Rowena paused, the word feeling like both confession and revelation. “…safe. Like I could trust him with pieces of meself I’ve never shown anyone else. And that terrifies me more than any threat me uncle could pose.”
“Why’s that?”
Rowena shook her head. “Because I’ve never felt that way before. Because I dinnae ken how tae want something that much without losing meself in the wanting.”
Lilias reached out to squeeze Rowena’s arm, her touch warm and comforting. “Maybe ’tis nae about avoiding caring,” she said gently. “Maybe ’tis about caring fer someone who’s worthy.”
“And ye think Constantine is?”
“I think he’s a man who’s spent his whole life protecting people who couldn’t protect themselves,” Lilias replied without hesitation. “I think he understands what it means tae be cast aside and forgotten, and would never dae that tae someone he cared about. And I think he looks at ye like ye’re something precious he never expected tae be allowed tae keep.”
The words sent warmth spreading through Rowena’s chest, followed immediately by that familiar flutter of panic. “What if it’s nae enough? What if I’m nae enough?”
“What if ye are?” Lilias countered. “What if instead of focusing on all the ways this could go wrong, ye considered all the ways it could go right?”
Rowena stared at the younger woman, struck by the simple wisdom in her words. “When did ye become so wise about matters of the heart?”
Lilias’s cheeks flushed pink, but she didn’t look away. “When ye spend yer whole life watching other people’s relationships from the outside, ye learn tae see things clearly. And what I see when I watch ye and Constantine together is two people who could be truly happy if they’d just stop being so afraid of it.”
