Page 90 of A Beginner's Guide to Forever
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Everything I felt for him rushes to the surface. The weight of my emotions making me tremble.
“You told me in Aspen that I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted,” he continues.
I wince, remembering the awful words I hurled at him. Words that capitalized on his biggest fear of not knowing who he was or where he was headed. Words meant to hurt him.
“I never should have said that,” I admit, ducking my face in shame.
With two fingers he lifts my chin until our eyes meet. “That might have been true, at one time, but it’s not now. My Enneagram is a helper, my StrengthsFinder is adaptability, and my love language is physical touch. I know who I am, Alessia.” His tone is self-assured, leaving no room for questions.
“You’ve gone on a bit of a self-discovery exploration, then?” I ask, my head spinning to keep up.
“You could say that.” He inhales. “And I know what I want.”
My heart is racing.Tell me,I want to beg. Instead I inhale, composing myself. First, I don’t want to rush this moment, but I’m also suddenly aware that we’re not alone, that we have a large audience of students and teachers, and while they’re mostly preoccupied, this setting is far from private.
“Let’s talk somewhere quiet.” I turn and head down the hall toward the headmaster’s office. Hart follows.
“Is this your office?” he asks, looking around at the basic wooden desk and two chairs.
I close the door and shake my head. “No. This is the headmaster’s office, but I still need to hire someone for the role.”
Hart nods, and I take him in. His tall, commanding presence, chiseled jawline, and full mouth. I’ve missed him. His expressive eyes. Eyes that are currently drinking in my appearance with a guarded smile.
“When I got that call from you in Vegas ... I didn’t know what to think. You made me feel like an idiot for trusting you.”
“I’m sorry.”
His simple apology is heartfelt, and just hearing him say those words means everything. Even now, reflecting back, I realize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with him having a fun getaway weekend with his friends.
Leaning one hip against the desk, I face him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about what I said. The way I ended things.”
“You broke my heart,” he says simply. Laying the truth out in front of me like he’s unafraid or unashamed to say those words feels significant. He’s more mature than I give him credit for.
I open my mouth to say something—to apologize—but before I get the chance, he approaches and strokes his thumb along my cheek. “You were scared, and that’s fine, because I’m brave enough for the both of us.”
I want to sink into him and never let go. Feel his arms around me again. Pull his mouth down to mine and kiss the heck out of him. But the truth is, I really don’t know what he’s doing here. So instead, I pull a deep breath into my lungs and fight to steady my nerves.
“I can’t believe you flew all the way to Nairobi.” It’s a fifteen-hour flight from New York. He must have been following my social media to know that the school was opening today.
“As I told you, I wouldn’t have missed it.”
“So you said you’ve been figuring out what you wanted to do with your life?”
He nods, watching me quietly, intently.
“What would you do if you had no one’s expectations? What would you do foryouthat would make you happy?”
He moves closer, towering above me. I forgot how tall he is. He’s so big in my mind, in my memories, but I forgot how big he is in real life too. He looms above me, making me feel small. “I would spend a lifetime loving you.”
A single tear slips down my cheek, and he catches it with his thumb.
“I would give you babies and work alongside you here in Kenya, or wherever your work takes you. I would be the safe place for you to rest when you grow weary from changing the world.”
Emotion swells my throat. I can barely get the words out. “And that would be enough?”
He shakes his head. “No. One lifetime wouldn’t be near enough time, but it’s a start.”
