Page 47 of Notice Me, Jameson Hart
I roll onto my stomach, arms dangling over the edge of my donut, and stare at the bottom of the pool. The sunlight refracts in weird, wiggly lines on the vinyl, and I try to focus on that instead of everything else. “I don’t get it,” I say finally.
“Get what?”
“Jameson Hart.” I poke at a waterlogged leaf that’s drifted into the pool. “I keep trying to figure him out, but I can’t.”
Rita makes a noise that’s half snort, half hum. “You want to know if he likes you.”
“No! That’s not—” I pause. “Okay, maybe. But also, like, why did he lie to me about the books? Why say he was buying them for Ethan if his brother never even asked for them?”
She thinks about this, squinting up at the cloudless sky. “Maybe he was embarrassed to admit he wanted to read them?”
“Why would anyone be embarrassed to read young adult romance? That’s the best section in the whole store.”
“Society is weird, Kev.” She flips over, her legs trailing in the water. “Maybe he thinks people will judge him. Or maybe he’s overcompensating. Or here’s a crazy idea, he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.”
I run my hands over the donut’s sticky seam and watch my fingers leave little ridges behind. “But if he wanted to talk to me, why not just do it? Why come up with the whole Ethan excuse?”
“Because you’re intimidating,” Rita says.
I laugh, a short, ugly bark. “Me? Intimidating?”
She splashes water at me. “You have a Kevin-ness about you. You don’t see it, but I do. You’re smart and funny, and you walk around as though you don’t care what anyone thinks, even though you totally do. That’s catnip for guys who aren’t sure about themselves.”
I float for a while, letting what Rita said sink in. The sun is extremely bright today, and when I close my eyes, I see orange and yellow fireworks for minutes afterward. “I thought maybe I was imagining all of it. That it was all in my head.”
“Even if it is, who cares?” Rita turns, facing me. “You’re allowed to imagine. That’s your whole thing.”
I sink lower into the donut until my chin touches the plastic edge. “Maybe I’ve imagined everything, and he’s simply being nice.”
She shrugs. “Or he’s into you and doesn’t know how to deal with it. You know how many times you’ve replayed your bookstore interaction for me? About eighty, give or take. And every time, you addmoredetail. That’s not nothing.”
I glance over at the house; the kitchen window glints in the heat haze. Adam and Robbie are inside, probably watchingsports with the volume cranked to an excruciating decibel so they don’t have to listen to me and Rita talk about feelings. The air above the backyard shimmers, and a bullfrog croaks somewhere near the bushes.
I kick the donut, and it bobs a little, sending ripples across the pool. “Do you ever think about how nothing in our lives has ever happened the way we thought it would?”
“Every day,” Rita says. “But sometimes that’s a good thing. Sometimes the world surprises you.”
The radio blaresagain a half-hour later. “We’re up to one-oh-six! Stay inside, folks. And if you’re outside, check on your neighbors, especially the elderly. This is dangerous weather we’re having.”
I decide I’m done with thinking about my romantic disasters for the day and flip the script.
“Have you given any more thought to Robbie?” I ask as I trail my fingers through the water.
Rita bites her lip, and for once, she’s the one uncertain. “Your brother is…” She pauses, searching for words. “He’s kind of amazing, Kevin. He makes people laugh even when they’re having the worst day. Remember when you thought you’d bombed that dance audition for the fall musical? He drove to the Food Lion and bought you three pints of Ben & Jerry’s and did this entire impression of Mr. Rodriguez until you couldn’t breathe because you were laughing so hard.”
I remember. Robbie had stolen the show with his spot-on mimicry of our theater teacher’s dramatic hand gestures.
“And he’s secretly really thoughtful,” Rita continues, her voice getting softer. “He gave me the last slice of pizza yesterday, even though it was obvious how much he wanted it. And did you know he learned all the lyrics to ‘Defying Gravity’ so he could sing it with me while waiting for you to get done at the dentist’s office this morning?”
“He did what now?”
Her cheeks flush pink. “It was on my playlist. He knew every word, Kevin. Said he’d been practicing.”
Huh.He told me he didn’t know the words to any of theWickedsongs when I asked him to do “What Is This Feeling?” with me. “You like him,” I say when I notice she’s grinning madly.
“I think I do.” She flops back on her raft with a groan. “But it’s impossible.”
“Why?”
