Page 40 of Executing Malice
I should have gone with her.
I should have never let her go by herself.
But I trusted her.
I thought she would never leave me.
I thought she would come back and curl up into my arms and tell me about her day. But she didn’t. I never saw her again.
The leather of my gloves squeak with the curling of my fists. I draw in a slow, meditative breath to calm the buildingnoise rising between my ears. Pounding in my chest. The damn helmet doesn’t help. There’s no fucking air in the box.
I can’t breathe.
Shit!
Willing down the panic, I scramble off the bike and stalk with hurried purpose to the nearest turn in the road. I duck between two buildings and wrench my helmet off.
Air, sweet, cinnamon scented air rushes down my lungs. It fills my chest in greedy gulps. I wheeze and drop my head back against the red bricks behind me, eyes closed. My fingers twist in the plait knotted at my wrist. The only thing I had left of Leila that kept me sane. All that’s keeping me grounded now.
I found her,I tell myself.Everything is going to be fine now. I won’t let her go again. It’ll be like it was.
But what if she runs again?
What if she doesn’t want me?
No. She does. I know she does. I know her better than anyone. I know she loves me.
Why the fuck would she love a worthless piece of shit like you when she can have anyone? A real man. Not some creep in a helmet.
“Stop it!” I dig the heels of my hands into my temples to stop the voices. “She loves me.”
That’s why she ran? Why she had to get away from you and the sick disease running through your veins? Why would she want babies withsomeone like you? She did what she had to do to survive. You were easy. Someone to take the beatings and protect her. She never loved you.
“Yes, she did.”
But the voice won’t let up. It prods holes in my every conviction until I can’t be sure of anything anymore, except...
Leila loves me.
I know she does.
I think she does.
I push off the wall and straighten with the rub of a hand under my nose. I take a quick inhale before replacing my helmet.
It’s fine.
I’ll teach her to love me again.
I’ll remind her just how happy we were, despite everything.
I’ll remind her of the plans we whispered in the dark. The promises we made.
I touch her neatly woven strands once more.
In eight days, she will be mine and I will never let anything take her from me again.
CHAPTER NINE
