Page 36 of Trusting Laurence
“Lia, look at me.” He waited for her to lift her gaze to his before continuing. “You have to know that after today, I want more. I can’t simply walk away now. However, I understand that my lifestyle is a potential hard limit for you. So, you need to tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
Tahlia’s eyes welled with tears. She blinked several times, clearly trying to fight them back. It was a losing battle. The first tear spilled over, and others fell in quick succession. “I don’t really know much about ‘the lifestyle’, as you call it, but what little I do know scares me. I can see this means a lot to you. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Larry came around the counter and took her into his arms. He rested his forehead against hers, angling his head so he could maintain eye contact. “I get that you’re scared, believe me I do. I was there, remember? If you’re willing to try, we’ll go as slowly as you need.”
“What happens if I can’t do it, Laurence? Where will that leave us then?”
“If you find you really can’t overcome the triggers, we’ll figure it out. Together.”
“You say that now. But over time, you’ll come to resent me. To deny an important part of who you are is courting disaster. Trust me, I know.”
“Sweetheart, I could never resent you. You are—”
Tahlia placed a finger over his lips. “You can’t say that with certainty. And it would break me when you walk away.”
Larry stepped back. Frustration stiffened his posture, coloring his tone. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s been too many years that we’ve denied how we feel about each other due to circumstance. Now, we finally have a shot at being together. Shouldn’t we at least be willing to explore what we could have before we start talking that way?”
“Laurence—”
This time, it was his turn to interrupt her. “How do you think I would feel, Tahlia? Don’t you think it broke me to walk away all those years ago? To leave you with that monster? I knew what he was doing to you, and I couldn’t do anything about it. How many times didn’t I ask you to come away with me, Tahlia?”
Spinning on his heel, he paced away from her. Needed to move. Frustration vibrated through his whole body; his fists clenched against the clawing need to throw something across the room. That, however, would not aid his case. And the last thing he wanted to do was frighten Tahlia.
13
Tahlia watched as Laurence stalked around the room. His body language screamed exasperation. She fought against her natural reaction to shrink into herself. That was her habit of old, learned the hard way from a man handy with his fists.
She gathered her courage and walked over to intercept the path he was pacing. “I’m sorry. That was an insensitive thing to say.”
He wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, head down. “No, I should be the one apologizing.”
In the past, Tahlia had apologized to Marcus every time he’d laid into her. He’d been an effective master when it came to teaching her it was her fault he beat her, that she was the one who’d somehow failed him. This time, she did it because she realized she’d hurt Laurence with her words. She’d lashed out automatically, had felt cornered by a past she fought to put behind her every day. Fear had overridden the filter in her brain, and the words had flowed out before she’d thought better of it.
However, it didn’t mean her fear of him leaving wasn’t valid. What if she couldn’t get past the trauma of the past, and he changed who he was for her? In her heart, she was sure he would come to resent her. And she had been honest when she’d said it would break her if he left her because of it.
After he’d left, years back, there had been days she had prayed her next beating would be her last. With him gone, life became far more unbearable than it ever had been. While the beatings had been physically painful, her spirit had something to keep it going with him there. When he’d left, he’d taken her heart and her will to live with him.
Could she do it? Leave the memories of all the suffering in the past? Maybe find a way to be what he needed without losing herself again in the process? Her mind churned. With a fortifying breath, she came to a decision.
“I’m willing to try. Tell me what you need?”
For a long, uncomfortable moment, Laurence simply stared at her, as if he could see into her soul if he looked hard enough.
Finally, he nodded. “I need you to be brutally honest with me, otherwise this won’t work,” he said. “Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. Yes, I can do that.”
Tahlia watched in fascination as his well-sculpted chest expanded with the deep breath he took before he answered.
“I would like to restrain your hands and spank you.”
The words landed in her brain like cannon fire. Tahlia felt the blood drain from her face, and the sick taste of fear edged some of the desire out. She licked her lips nervously.Oh god, I don’t know if I can do this. Have I made a mistake by agreeing to this? What if I panic and ruin the moment?
He waited as she considered her response. A time or two, she attempted to answer him, but words failed her. Finally, with a deep breath of her own, Tahlia fought to get her nerves and breath under control.
Laurence’s steady gaze helped calm her some.
“Are you okay?”
