Page 15 of Loving Leila
“Leila, you have every right to be angry, but give me a chance to try and explain why I did what I did.”
“You had a chance to ‘explain why you did that’ already without giving me the same courtesy. Now you get to listen to what I have to say.” I have to stop for a moment. My head is pounding, and I’m breathing like I’ve run a marathon.
“Do you know, or even care, that I got sick after you left? I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, lost more weight than I could afford to because on the odd occasion that I managed to get something down it didn’t stay down.
“Then I accidentally discovered that despite cutting me off cold, you were still calling and visiting Sherri to make sure she and the girls were doing okay. I get the bro-code you SEALs have. I do. But do you haveanyidea how deep that cut? Do you even care? It almost ended Sherri and me, at a time when I needed her most.”
Kyle’s standing, staring at me, a pained expression on his face, but I’m on a roll. It’s likely to be my only opportunity to tell him how I feel, so I’m going to let him have it with both barrels. “Thankfully, we got through it, but it was the worst time of my life. First, we lost John. Then you ripped my heart right out of my chest and stomped on it like it meant nothing to you.”
At this point, those fucking annoying tears are back, but I’m determined to finish this.
"And if it wasn’t devastating enough losing you, when you left, you took all the guys with you. People who’d been like brothers to me cut me out of their lives because you did, and they were showing their loyalty to you – their blood brother.
“You broke me when you left, Kyle. There were days I simply didn’t want to live. But I did. And now I have no intention of allowing you back into my life to give you another opportunity to do it again. I am not your plaything to pick up and put down when you’re tired of playing house.”
At this point Ihave tostop to catch my breath. I’m out of air from yelling at him but feel better for it. Despite the insistent pounding in my head now, I feel a strange kind of peace settle over me for having said what has been in my heart all these years.
Kyle’s standing with his hand clasped around the back of his neck. “Leila, I – Jesus.” He stands there for a moment, still looking shocked. “I had no idea.”
“No, you didn’t. Because you didn’t care enough to ask. You were more concerned about a dead man’s widow than the woman who would have done anything for you had you only asked.”
“Sweetness –”
Hearing his old nickname for me once more, after I’d explicitly asked him not to, finally pushes me right over the edge.
Cutting him off, again, I say, “You know what, Kyle? I’m done – done talking and done with your bullshit. Do me a favor and get the hell out of my house. And my life while you’re at it.”
At first, it looks like he’s going to argue, but then he seems to think better of it. Stalking over to the breakfast bar, he puts on his shirt, then grabs his keys and cell phone before letting himself out of my apartment. When the door closes quietly behind him, I shuffle back to my bed, curl myself around the giant stuffed donkey, and give in to yet another bout of tears.
God, I’m so sick of crying.
Chapter 13
Kyle
Ilisten to the phone ring in my ear and wait for Caleb Montgomery to answer. As not just a friend but a brother-in-arms, he’s just the man to help me out with my problem.
“Montgomery.”
“Hey, man. How’s it going?”
“Hey. I’m good. How the hell are you?”
“Yeah, good. How’s Bryn and the kids?”
Caleb laughs. “All good, all good.”
“Still enjoying playing daddy then?”
He chuckles again. “Hell yeah, you know it. So what’s up?”
“Got time for a beer today?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I brace, expecting him to ask me what the problem is, but all he finally says is, “Sure. I’ve gotta run a couple errands, but I can meet you in about an hour and a half. The usual?”
“Yep, that works for me. See you there.”
Time trickles by slower than fucking molasses as I wait for ninety minutes to pass. If I head down to the bar early to wait for Caleb, there is little doubt in my mind I’ll be drunk before he even gets there. Jesus, I’ve really fucked it up. Again. And I’ve got even less clue how to fix it now than ever.
