Page 22 of Kian's Devotio
Reid shook his head again, “They make me too sleepy. I don’t want them right now.”
She shook her head, “You don’t want to be in too much pain. Trust me on that. Burns are horrible. And the fact that we can’t splint your shoulder yet, you need the meds. Don’t be a tough guy.”
Reid sighed, “Just a little longer. I can handle it.”
She rolled her eyes slightly and then nodded, “I'll be back in a half an hour. We will give you your meds then.”
Reid nodded and she looked at Kian, “No more major shocks. If he wants to get out of here when he wants, he needs to lie still and heal.”
Kian held his hands up in surrender, “I swear.”
Then she turned and left. She was young, about the same age as Emery, but Reid never even gave her a second glance.
“She's pretty. Do you think she is meant for you?”
Reid snorted, “Nope. She's done too much to me, and I know she isn’t for me. She's beautiful, sure, but she doesn’t do it for me. I think I'm broken. Who knows?”
He gave a tiny shake of his head again, “Don’t change the subject. We were talking about you.”
Kian sighed, “I was just being honest. I had to distance myself or I would do something that she wasn’t ready for. That we both weren’t ready for and I didn’t want to push her into something like that. It was and is such a big thing. A huge decision. And while I knew and still know that she is meant to be mine, I didn’t want to force her to pick me just because we were friends and that we had that connection. And I didn’t want to force our love in any way.”
He shook his head, “I didn’t want to just hold her hand, to be her ‘boyfriend’ because it was more than that to me. I knew that if we had any of that and if I was able to kiss her, that kissing would lead to more and she was too young. I was too young. Like ma said. I wanted to let her have the choice. I knew that she needed to have that decision, because I wanted everything with her. It’s always been her for me. And my dreams and wants haven’t changed. Not in the slightest. I have wanted her in my arms for years, and since ma gave us that talk, I felt them shatter because I knew she was right and that we needed to grow up first. I needed to keep my distance to prove that I was worthy of her, of her love and trust.”
He shut his eyes, “I didn’t want her to believe any of the things people said about her and wanted desperately to prove to her and to myself that I wasn’t just in it for sex. It’s never been about that. I do want her that way, I have since I was old enough to know what that was. I just had too much respect for her and ma. I know I made it seem as if I am only in it for that, but I have gone my life without sex, and will keep going until she knows I love her. That she is beautiful and worthy of all of my love. That she is it for me. And always has been. That even though we haven’t really spoken in years, that I still kept her in my mind. That I wanted to let her grow into her own person.”
Reid’s eyebrows raised, and Kian kept going. “She is worth every single day of waiting, of wishing. Has been since ma talked to me about it. I just had to keep my distance and be short with her so I didn’t screw it up. Because it was close a few times. You don’t even know. I had to fight myself to keep my arms to myself. To not just plead with her to love me.”
He huffed and then went on, “I have wanted nothing more than to keep her at my side, but if she doesn’t want me back? And has decided that my stupid actions as a teenager weren’t worth it? Then I will let her go and love her from afar. I have for years and will for years.”
Reid shook his head, “Will you ever try to find someone else?”
Kian shook his head, “No. I won’t. I know in my heart, that they would be second best. And no woman deserves that. So, no. I will die a lonely, heartbroken old man, and will do so willingly. I was the one who messed it all up and I am the one who deserves to live with my actions.”
Reid just stared at him. “Wow. That is something else. I knew you were in love with her, I just didn’t know how much.”
He gave a determined look, “You can do it Kian. You can win her over. I just know it.”
Kian smiled, “Thanks Reid. I appreciate that. Really.”
Reid grinned, “She is a firecracker though. So be wary. She won’t forgive you easily.”
Kian laughed, “Oh, I know. I have my work cut out for me.”
Reid sighed, “I wish that was me. Man do I want to find the girl meant for me.”
Kian smiled, “You will. Trust me.”
The nurse came back, and Reid groaned, but she glared at him again. “You need meds Reid. Sorry, but those are the doctor’s orders. We need to put more medicine on your burns too. You know how painful that is. So, let’s get you nice and sleepy so you don’t feel it as much. Alright?”
She looked over and Kian stood. “I will be back soon. Get some rest. You need it.”
He walked from the room and took off the protective gear he was wearing and walked to Emery’s room.
There were excited voices and he grinned as he opened the door.
He found Karalee immediately and she met his eyes briefly and then looked away.
He walked to Emery’s bed and saw that she was wearing their ma’s ring.
He kissed her cheek softly and told her and Trace congratulations.
Then he stood and kissed his ma, and his Gran.
Then he left. He needed to figure out a game plan.
Helping her move this morning was a start, but damn he wanted her to start to trust him again.
He would figure it out if it was the last thing he did.
