Page 48 of The Fighter who Needed Me
Everyone had gone silent and Bran and Grant had their mouths open in shock.
“I don’t know what you want me to do. How you want me to go after a ghost. For that is what she is. Do you want me to beat down every single door in all of England to find her? They left no trace of their whereabouts and it has grated on me every day, knowing I failed her. Failed the one person I did not want to fail. Not again. But yet here we are. Do you think I wanted to go back into the ring again? That I love to fight those men who are only trying to survive in this god-awful world? It is the only way for me to survive, knowing how badly I failed her. I swore to her on the day we wed that I would protect her, and from that day on, I have done nothing to protect her, I have let her down and lied to her. That vow became nothing but a lie. Do you think I rejoice in that knowledge? That I have not wanted to do just as I said and beat down every single door in all the realms just to find her? You have no idea then. You could not imagine what I deal with on a daily basis. I am not a man any longer. I died the moment my world went missing and haven’t been the same since.”
He turned away from them and stared at the wall, “I am doing all I can to just keep my head above water. To keep my lungs filled with breath, but my heart stopped beating long ago and I walk around as if in a fog. I am doing all I can to take the pain away, and yet all I feel is pain. So do not question me on my loyalty to her. Do not ask if I have done all I can. I have gone throughout the east end, trying my best to find any man who can help me find her. And they have all come back with the same answer. She is gone and nowhere to be found. I have done everything I can and will give all that I possess to have her back.”
He turned back to them, “I will tell you this though, that if I saw her right now, I would steal her away and never be seen again, consequences be damned. Her wants and wishes be damned. I would take her as far from this place as I could. And I would not apologize for it. It is all I can do to hold onto that dream. That hope that one day I can see her. She is my everything. And I love her.”
Bran and Grant both had their eyebrows raised in shock and their mouths open still. Brooks once again gave them a small bow, “I thank you both for your time.”
He turned and left the office and the stunned faces of the men and woman in there.
They thought he chose the easy way out? That knowing he was giving up the only thing he had ever wanted in his life was easy? This decision had been the hardest one he had ever had to make in his entire life.
Harder than choosing to steal a loaf of bread so they could stay alive.
He swung up into the saddle of his horse. They all thought he had gone mad, that he did not want to fight for her.
They were all wrong.
He rode to the salon and went straight up to his rooms. He went to the bottle of liquor he had been saving for years and opened it.
Then he poured a large glass and threw it back in one swallow.
It burned on the way down, but he did not care.
He poured another glass. And another and another until he was swaying on his feet.
He made his way to Carter’s place and when Carter saw how foxed he was, tried to refuse to let him fight, but Brooks jumped in the ring anyway.
He was struggling with his reflexes and got hit a few times, once in the face, several on his ribs, but he barely felt it and still came out the victor.
His arm was lifted in the air and Carter came and led him away.
A few women threw themselves at him and it annoyed him more than anything.
He pushed them away and Carter yelled at them to stay back.
When he shut Brooks in his office, Carter’s chest was heaving with anger.
“How dare you come here like this? I have never seen you drunk, let alone so out of control, you are slurring and swaying. What the fuck is going on?”
Brooks shook his head, which made his body sway. Carter snarled and pushed him into a chair. “God damn it Brooks.”
Brooks looked up at his friend, “I tried Carter. To give her it all. To give her everything. To protect her and love her, and I failed. Over and over. I always fail. I let my mother die in front of my eyes, because I was not able to protect her, what made me think I could protect my wife? I should have left it alone and let my feelings for her stay buried. It would have been better for her.”
Carter’s eyebrows raised, “You didn’t fail her. You were the only one in her life to try to protect her.”
Brooks shook his head again, “And yet, do you see her at my side? Growing round with my child and the shadows gone from her eyes? No.”
Carter knelt in front of him, “Brooks, you did all you could.”
Brooks snarled and tried to rise from the chair, “It wasn’t enough. It has never been enough. Let me go Carter. Just let me leave.”
Carter shook his head and Brooks heard his office door open.
“Burk. Thank god.” Carter said, and Brooks whipped his head around, the room swayed around him.
Burk stood there, anger on every inch of his face.
“Brooks, what in the fuck are you doing?”
Brooks stood so fast that Carter had to catch him, “You aren’t my father, and I am doing what I need to do.”
Burk stepped forward, “I am not your father, but I am your only family. Your brother. And I have some news,”
Brooks glared at him, “Speak then.”
Burk shook his head, “Lily saw Persephone. She is back in London.”
Brooks felt his eyes go wide, shock coursing through every inch of his body, and then the liquor took over and he passed out, slumping to the floor in a heap.
