Page 104 of Black
CHAPTER 18
Judgment day
Cia
Three days after Gabriel and I became a couple I had to face the judge who would sentence me.
That day, Gabriel took me shopping for a nice outfit for the courtroom. Never had I looked more unlike myself. The good side was that if I ever decided to work in a law firm, I had a skirt and jacket set to wear that would make me fit right in. The bad thing was that since I had no law degree, Gabriel had just wasted a lot of money on an outfit I would never use again.
He didn’t seem to be too concerned about that part, but we were both scared about the potential jail time. We turned up in municipal court with our lips pressed into fine lines of worry.
Gabriel held my hand as long as he could, and it felt nice to have his support. Michael Young, the lawyer who had been present when I was originally charged, was there to represent me.
I have no other lawyers to compare Michael with, but he seemed to be doing a good job and I trusted him when he advised me to plead guilty as a sign of taking responsibility.
Michael went on to tell the judge about my complete change since the arrest, which was supported by a letter from Bruce stating that I was now drug-free and had gone through intensive therapy with impressive results. Michael talked about my upcoming art exhibition, and how I was now living with my fiancée, a military hero with a good education and a stable financial situation. It was hard to recognize Black in anything Michael said, and for a moment I missed her. I didn’t miss her depressive state, but I missed her strength and independence.
I wasn’t just me anymore; I was a part of a unit now, and Gabriel had hopes, fears, and expectations too.
I was slowly growing into my new identity as Cia, but hearing Michael describe me as someone successful made me feel like a fraud.
What they saw was a young woman dressed in clothes I wasn’t comfortable in, with a status as engaged that I’d never really agreed to. Yet above all my confusion with who I really was came the guilt.
Life was handing me chances, opportunities, and even love. I should be euphoric with happiness for having a bed to sleep in, a fridge with food, the prospect of making money, and a gorgeous man who supported me.
And Iwashappy… in glimpses.
I didn’t worry about what to eat or where to sleep, but most of the time I was worrying about meeting the expectations that Gabriel, Darren, and my new family had. I suppose the problem with getting what you always wanted is the fear that you might lose it again.
When the judge finally gave his verdict, I held my breath and listened.
“I hereby sentence you to three hundred and sixty-four days of jail with three hundred and sixty-four days suspended. There will be a five-thousand-dollar fine with four thousand five hundred suspended and another one hundred and fifty dollars in court costs. Since you have already undergone extensive therapy and been deemed drug-free by the therapeutic center, the court will make no further demands for drug treatments other than the weekly sessions that you have with your therapist. You will be on probation, which means that if you steal or do drugs again, you will go to jail.”
Once we got out of the courtroom Michael and Gabriel were shaking hands and looking satisfied while I was trying to sum up what the judge had said.
“So I won’t go to jail then?” I asked Michael to be sure.
“Not unless you get in trouble with the law again. You got suspended jail time, so if you mess up, you have both a fine and jail time hanging over your head.”
“She won’t get in trouble with the law again,” Gabriel said earnestly and put his arm around me.
“Good, well, in that case you should be fine. There’s still the five-hundred-dollar fine and the one hundred and fifty dollars for the court, though.”
“Can I borrow it from you until my paintings sell?” I asked Gabriel, who nodded.
We celebrated in a sushi restaurant, which was a new experience for me. I knew what sushi was, of course, but I’d never tasted it. Turns out that all the years I’ve wondered what it would be like to have money and go to exotic sushi restaurants was a complete waste of my time. I would take a burger any day compared to that crap.
Gabriel introduced me to different rice thingies with shrimp, salmon, cucumber, carrot, and what have you, but it all tasted salty and I didn’t like any of it.
At least I would never again envy someone walking with a box of fine sushi.
We spend that Friday night and most of the following Saturday in bed, where Gabriel introduced me to a lot of things that I liked far better than sushi. Being in love and feeling desired was a strong aphrodisiac, and when he asked me to move with him to Missouri in the fall I said yes. I didn’t have anything holding me in Seattle except for a few friends, and I could paint anywhere in the world.
Life was good. We were happy together, and being in his arms made me almost forget that come Sunday morning, I would be facing all of my family for the first time.
