Page 11 of Yellow
“Yes, didn’t I just say you reminded me of that tree?”
“I don’t follow.”
Onava shot me a small smile. “What you see above ground represents your self-confidence. The part of the tree that is underground represents your self-esteem.”
“I thought that was the same thing?”
“It’s not.”
“So what’s the difference?” I asked and took a bite of my granola bar.
“In simple terms: self-confidence is about what you cando. While self-esteem is about who youare. You have a lot of confidence, Chloe, and why wouldn’t you? People constantly tell you how good an actress you are. You won awards, right?”
“Yes, many.”
“Obviously that has boosted your confidence and you believe in yourself, which is good.”
“Okaaay…” I said, drawn out, waiting for the “but” to follow.
“There’s nothing wrong with being the biggest and most superior tree in the forest, Chloe.Ifyou have the root net to support you.”
“Wait, so when you talk about the elements tearing at the tree, you mean me going through a media storm?”
“Uh-huh. She nodded and got up from her crouched position. “Critics, media, jealous boyfriends… whatever puts you under pressure.”
“Okay, I’m trying to understand your metaphor here.” I narrowed my eyes. “So if the crown is my confidence, which is the things I can do, and the weather elements are my critics, then what is the root net? My supporters?”
“No. Your supporters would be the other trees. By the way, did you know that trees can communicate and that it’s proven that they sometimes help each other out?”
“No way.”
“It’s true. If a tree is too dry, other trees can release water to save that tree.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope.”
I shook my head, not sure I believed her. “So back to my root net or what you called my self-esteem. How is it different from my confidence again?”
“It’s in the word, really – self-esteem, meaning the value you put on yourself.”
“Oh, but then I’m good,” I said relieved. “I looove myself. Some say a little too much when I boast about myself.”
“But that’s just it, Chloe. Boasting, bragging, or fishing for compliments is like your root net shouting to the other trees – help me, I’m drying out. You wouldn’t need others to constantly fill you up if your root net was self-sufficient.”
I opened my mouth to speak and closed it again.
“If you truly think you value yourself so highly, then explain to me why you were willing to accept cheap apologies and blatant lies from Niko.”
Her hard question made me look away.
“Look, I’m not trying to criticize you, Chloe, I’m just telling you what I see.”
“You don’t know me at all,” I protested.
“That’s not true. In some ways, I might know you better than you do. Do you want to know why?”
I nodded.
