Page 13 of The Pacifist
I couldn’t help myself, but kissed the top of her head. “I like that about you.”
When she beamed up at me, I added, “But then I like a lot of things about you, Mila.”
I’d been lucky enough to meet her on my first visit to the Northlands a year and half ago, and she was the main reason that I kept coming back.
“I like a lot of things about you too.”
Our smiles grew wider as we walked through the park with our arms linked together. A young gardener waved back when Mila greeted him.
“I’ll bet he envies me that I can walk with you like this. I’m a lucky man.”
“I’m not sure about that, Jonah.”
“You don’t think he wants to be close to you?”
“Maybe, but I don’t think he envies you.”
“Why not?”
Mila bit her lip. “You said it yourself, they all think you’re gay or a-sexual.”
That made me frown. “Does it bother you that they think that way about me?”
Mila didn’t meet my eyes. “Yes and no.”
I waited and when she didn’t elaborate, I pressured her, “You can’t leave it at that.”
Mila sighed. “It bothers me because I know some of them think less of you.”
“Doesn’t that come with being a Motlander man?”
“I guess. But if they knew you, they would know how funny, wise, and amazing you are.”
I squeezed her arm. “As long as you think so, that’s all that matters to me.”
“Good. And maybe their assumption isn’t all bad. As I see it, it has given us freedom to have a close friendship.”
Her words released a sadness inside me. From day one, I’d been irrelevant as a suitor. The belief in the Northlands that all we Motlander men had no sexuality made them dismiss me as anything more than a friend to Mila.
In a country where men weren’t allowed to touch a woman, no one seemed to care much about what went on between her and me. The sad truth was that I might as well have been a eunuch with the trust they showed me.
It hadn’t bothered me at first, but over the last year and a half, a close bond had grown between us to the point where we now shared a mutual dependency. When I was away from Mila, I craved her physical closeness.
We had reached the Gray Manor and rain was dripping, but I still stopped, asking Mila one last question. “And is that why you’re so comfortable with me, Mila? Because you assume that I’m a homosexual or asexual?”
CHAPTER 3
The Announcement
Mila
The ballroom in the Gray Manor was filled to capacity with three hundred chairs. In the front were the press corps and behind them, Khan’s devoted supporters, who were all talking while waiting for the exciting news they had been invited to hear live.
When Khan took his position in front of the audience, he didn’t exude his usual aura of confidence. There was a slight tremor of his hands and his movements were faster and stiffer than usual.
Feeling scared for my family, I rubbed my hands together, fingers stretched out and interlaced. It was a behavior reserved for when things were really bad.
Today, Khan would have to share his darkest secret with a nation of ten million men who didn’t value vulnerability. I knew the secret because I’d been there when my grandmother Erika revealed it. She wasn’t in the room and wouldn’t be watching the live show. Instead she was with my siblings and cousins in the entertainment room, where they would be playing games.
