Page 17 of The Pacifist
He walked fast and steered toward the staircase leading up to his favorite spot: the rooftop star lounge.
“Jonah, what’s wrong?” It was January and freezing so I wrapped my arms around myself. “We don’t have jackets on. It’s too cold to be up here.”
Jonah stood with his back to me, hands in his pockets, and his head leaned back. We had been up here at night, often, but never when there was frost in the air. He didn’t look like he was going anywhere, so I walked over and turned on the outdoor heater and opened a drawer to find a large blanket.
“I can’t stand the thought of you marrying one of those men. Tell me the truth. Are you attracted to any of them?”
“I don’t know them.” Only my head peeked out under the large blanket that now covered me.
Jonah walked over to join me under the heater. “But the way his muscles made his shoulders pop up like they were pregnant. It can’t possibly be attractive to you.”
“I don’t judge people on how they look.”
“No, I know, but…” Jonah’s head fell forward. “Remember what we talked about earlier when I asked you if you thought I was gay?”
“Yes.”
“To say that you don’t know isn’t an answer.”
“But I truly don’t know.”
He furrowed his brow and looked deep into my eyes for a few seconds before asking, “What about you, North Star? Do you have sexual desires?”
Jonah’s question surprised me. It was unusual for him to talk about sex.
“I’m not asexual if that’s what you mean.”
“Okay.” He kept his eyes locked with mine. “And is it men or women for you?”
I blinked, unsure why there was a hint of anger in his voice when Jonah was always so calm and kind. “I’m attracted to men.”
Jonah shifted his weight to one side and pointed with a thumb over his shoulder. “Those men? I mean, what kind of name is Python and do you really find it attractive that his upper arm is the same size as his thigh?”
It was an exaggeration but I got what he meant.
“Not all warriors are massive like that. I don’t have to pick him.”
“It doesn’t matter, Mila. If it’s not him, it’s someone like him. Someone who thinks people deserve pain and that fighting is the best way to communicate. Why would you spend your life with a man like that when…” He stopped talking and with a sigh he turned his back to me.
“When what, Jonah?”
Facing me again, he swallowed hard. “When you have a choice and you can say no.”
I focused on his shoes and tried to defend myself. “It began as a stupid bet with my father, but the thing is that it really means the world to my parents.”
“Mila, it might mean the world to them that you marry, but it doesn’t have to be in a tournament, does it?”
“My dad says that it’s the only way to make sure I’m marrying the strongest protector possible.”
Jonah threw his hands up in frustration. “Come on, Mila. You’re a Motlander. You don’t need a protector. Just come with me to the Motherlands and see for yourself.”
I kept my gaze down. “My wedding day is April 6th. That’s in a little over six weeks. I know you don’t like it, but I can’t cancel it. Too much work has gone into it by now.”
“Of course you can cancel it. All you have to do is say ‘no’.”
“I know you worry, but I won’t let my future husband dictate that we can’t be friends anymore.” Lifting my hand, I reached out and touched him. “I’m not giving you up, Jonah.”
He took my hand and squeezed it with a pleading look. “If I mean that much to you, then come home with me. This might be your last chance.”
