Page 29 of The Pacifist
“Sometimes I swear too,” I admitted. “It’s hard not to get affected by the people you live with. Not long ago, I said… shit.”
It was easy to see that Jonah was passionate about it as he continued, “Knowing you, I’m sure the situation called for it.”
“Actually, it was a very descriptive word because Holger pooped on the antique rug in the foyer of the Manor. I knew Khan would freak out about it, and he did.”
That made Jonah’s lips lift up in a smile. “I remember you told me about that. Wasn’t that when Khan threatened to ban your dogs and you said that he’d have to kick you out too?”
“Yup, he was furious, but by now, I’m used to that. The Northmen can be explosive in their rhetoric but it’s like a storm that blows over fast.”
Jonah reached for some more crackers. “I can’t prove it scientifically, but I’m convinced that it’s healthier than to never show anger. We Motlanders are taught to control our emotions but what that means is really to suppress them. You can learn not to show any anger, but what if by capping anger you’re also capping off joy?”
I’d never thought about it that way. “I don’t feel like I’m limiting myself.”
Moving closer, Jonah’s eyes shone with intensity. “I’ve never seen you furious. A little annoyed, sure, but never furious. Why is that?”
I frowned. “It’s not my style.”
“I know… same with me, but do you think we’re limited?”
“Limited?” I shook my head. “Pearl says that Nmen have the emotional control of children. They don’t filter their thoughts and they act out all their emotion with foul language, slamming their hands on the table, and fighting when they get mad. Is that what you want?”
“Of course not. But at least they get rid of their anger. People here, they…” he sighed. “Well, I just feel like sometimes all those suppressed emotions seep out in passive-aggressive ways, and personally, I prefer clear and honest discussions. My sister is direct in her communication and she gets in trouble when she speaks her mind.”
“Yes, I heard.”
“But what if she’s not wrong? What if all the people who are too sensitive to handle her are the ones who are wrong? When I read some of the romance books in the restricted archive, I feel my heartbeat increase and a tingling up and down my spine. I’m aware of every word on the page, and sometimes I get goosebumps. Why would we want to shield people from feeling more alive?”
I shrugged. “You tell me! Why did the Council ban the books?”
Jonah turned his body toward me. “Like I told you, I’ve studied some of the transcripts from the Council meetings that took place at the time of the ban. Several experts claimed that books and movies with violence and romantic scenes caused depression in people. Reports were given that the forbidden book had caused women to lose their minds, and in some cases commit suicide.
“The ban was made with the best intentions but I still resent the Council members back then for limiting our choices. Sometimes I feel like we live in an artificial world with a rosy filter that hides all the contrasting colors that would have made our world glorious.”
“You find the Northlands glorious?”
Jonah rubbed the ridge of his nose. “I find the nature spectacular and the free speech wonderful, but the Northlands have major issues that need to be dealt with.”
“Tell me about it.”
“That being said, I’ll be the first to admit that we could learn a lot from the Northlands and vice versa.”
My smile was warm when I reached for his hand. “It’s one of my favorite things about you, Jonah. Everyone is always so busy insisting that their way is the right way. But you’re open to seeing the beauty in things that are different from what you know.”
He squeezed my hand. “Thank you. I like to think of myself as a change maker. My job is to keep us moving in a better direction. To be honest, I think we Motlanders might have lost our way. Many of the decisions that were made decades and centuries ago need to be reconsidered.”
“All right.” With a cheeky smile, I handed him a celery stick. “Here’s a magic wand; what will you change?”
Holding the celery stick up in front of him, Jonah declared, “First, I’m taking away the censoring of books and giving back free speech to the people. Next, I’m lifting the ban on alcohol.”
“Wow.” I laughed. “That sounds ambitious and a bit of a far stretch, but you know you can count on my full support.”
Taking a bite of the celery stick, Jonah looked deep into my eyes. “Thank you, my friend, that means a lot.”
The word friend stung a little. Why hadn’t he used one of his usual nicknames for me like Miss Sunshine, Milove, or North Star?
A sadness spread in my body as I concluded that Jonah had used that word to remind me that he and I would never be anything more than just friends.
CHAPTER7
