Page 34 of The Pacifist
If you pick me, dear Mila, I’ll make it my life’s mission to satisfy your every need, just as I hope you’ll make it your mission to satisfy my needs.
There are so many questions I want to ask you, like how many children would you want us to have? What’s your favorite thing to do, and are you as excited as me to get married?
I’ve read that women like men who make them laugh, so here’s a joke for you. What did the shower hose say?
Every naked person I see turns me on.
I’d be honored, if you took time to write me back.
Sincerely, Python.
Giving the letter back to Mila, I lay back down.
“So what do you think?” she asked me.
“At least we know he can spell.”
“And that he has a sense of humor. I liked the joke.”
“How do you know he didn’t have someone help him write that letter?”
She sighed. “So you like it too?”
“I never said that.”
“No. But if you’re saying that he might’ve gotten help, it must mean that you think it’s a good letter.”
I snorted a little. “Are you going to write him back?”
“No. Because as I told him I don’t think that would be fair to the others.” Mila lay back down as well and mirrored me by placing herself on her side with her hands under her cheek.
“And what about his questions? If you were to answer him, what would you say?”
“Hmm.” She thought about it. “I would tell him that I want to have four children. A mix of boys and girls.”
“Okay. I’m not going to ask about what you’re interested in because I already know.”
“That’s the privilege of being my best friend.”
I was feeling prickly from our conversation and looked away when I asked, “But what about the last question? Are you excited about getting married?”
She sighed again. “I know you don’t like to hear it, but yes, I’m excited about getting married.”
The pain in my chest made me lash out. “Is that really your only ambition in life? To marry...”
“You know it’s not. I’m going to be a veterinarian.”
After a few seconds of silence between us, she added, “I like the idea of being in a marriage. I only wish that…”
“That what?”
“That no one had to get hurt in the process.”
“Then how about you have a different kind of tournament? If you like jokes so much, have them battle using comedy.”
Mila laughed. “You’re funny.”
“Yeah? Then maybe I would have a chance.”
