Page 35 of The Pacifist
Mila’s eyes widened. “You would battle for me?”
“Not in a real tournament. As a pacifist I can’t condone that sort of violence.”
“No, I know that, but if there was no violence, would you be interested?” Mila looked beautiful and vulnerable as she asked her question.
“Maybe. If it meant that I could keep my friend.”
Her face fell. “Oh, I see.”
“What’s wrong?”
She chewed on her lip. "Marriage is about more than just friendship. I see how passionate my parents are, and I want that too.”
I got her hint. Mila didn’t feel attracted to me in that way. With the sting of rejection, I turned on my other side. “Can we sleep now? I’m tired.”
Without any words, Mila turned out the lights. We were both huge snugglers, and lying back to back like this was unnatural and painful to me.
Not being able to sleep, my mind wandered back to the first night I had spent with Mila. It had been the night after Solomon’s and Willow’s wedding. Mila had shown Hunter, my sister, and me the rooftop of the manor where they had a star lounge. Hunter and Emanuela had been on one lounge bed while Mila and I had been on another.
“What do you miss about the Motherlands?” I asked her.
Mila pulled her blanket up higher. “Hmm, that’s a good question. “I’ve lived here half my life so it’s not something I think about on a daily basis.”
“There must be something you miss,” I pressed.
“What I miss the most is probably physical closeness. I mean I have it with my puppies and my youngest siblings, but even Mason, who’s ten now, feels that he’s too big to cuddle. In the Motherlands, people touch and cuddle all the time and I miss that.”
I was quick to open my arms. “I’ll cuddle with you.”
“Really?” Her gentle smile widened but then she looked at Hunter and it was replaced by a small frown. “Promise you won’t tell my dad.”
Hunter sighed. “I won’t tell, Mila, but do you think Magni would care? Jonah is a Motlander. He won’t overstep your boundaries.”
“My dad isn’t always rational when it comes to that sort of thing. It’s better if we don’t tell him.” She nuzzled herself against my body and rested her head on my shoulder. “Don’t be mad if I fall asleep. I’m really tired.”
The delicious scent of her soft hair made me wrap my arms around her and pull her close. When she yawned, it was contagious, and I gave an even bigger yawn. I’d only met Mila today but being with her was effortless and felt as natural as if we had been friends for years.
Coming back to the present, I listened to Mila’s calm breathing. The bedroom was dark and I was left with my own thoughts about the stupid discussion we’d had about Python’s letter.
I had admitted that I was jealous, but had she understood the depth of it?
Turning onto my back, I groaned and considered my dilemma. As the first Councilman in the world, it was up to me to show that men could be trustworthy and selfless servants of the people. Even if, by some miracle, Mila might be interested in a romantic relationship with me, it would be at the expense of my seat on the Council.
Entering a marriage would make millions of voters dismiss me as an eccentric or worse – a romantic. It would be hard to get the other Council members to take me seriously, and it could potentially ruin my chances of achieving any significant change in the world. My chances of re-election would be destroyed.
But if I didn’t at least try to convince her to pick me as a partner, I’d lose her forever. I’d met enough of the Nmen who were going to fight for her to know that they would never allow Mila and me to be close after their wedding.
The thought brought a sharp pain to my chest. Who was I kidding? Mila had grown up among Nmen and been influenced to prefer strong warriors. Someone like me didn’t have a chance to be anything but her friend.
It felt like I’d only just dozed off when the room got lighter again. Dogs barked somewhere in the house, and smells penetrated my sleepy brain. It reminded me of warm summer nights with music and happy talk around a bonfire. Pulling my duvet higher, I rolled to my stomach trying to sink deeper into lovely dreams of summer, but an insistent warning in my brain prevented it. Annoyed, I opened my eyes and what I saw made me sit up straight.
From the outside a red light was flickering and the smell of fire was strong.
“Mila, Mila, wake up.” I climbed over her to get to the window and pulled the curtains to the side. The large red storage building outside was in flames.
“What’s going on?” Mila stretched but then she smelled it too, and she shrieked.
“We’ve got to wake the others.” Grabbing my clothes, I ran into the kitchen while shouting for everyone to wake up. Picking up two pots I banged them against each other consistently while screaming at the top of my lungs. “Fire, fire.”
