Page 51 of The Pacifist
“What do you mean?”
“The subtle passive-aggressiveness that we Motlanders do so well. I was hurt by your rejection and then when you brought it up, I felt frustrated. Not enough to confront you, because that’s not our style, is it? But enough to take some small punch at you verbally. And now I feel bad about that.”
She almost had a unibrow from the concern on her face. “Don’t feel bad. I’m not mad at you, Jonah.”
“No, of course you aren’t, because that would be a first for you, wouldn’t it?” I instantly regretted the sharpness of my tone and covered my face with both hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”
Mila pulled at my hands. “At least we can talk about it. At home people smash things against the wall or shout when they get angry.”
I calmed myself. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. They act out while we look in.”
Mila tilted her head. “I never thought about it like that. You’re right. Maybe instead of acting out I could teach them to look in and reflect more.”
“Looking in and reflecting is never a bad idea, but neither is speaking up when your boundaries are broken.” I shook my head. “There has to be a middle ground somewhere.”
For a while none of us spoke.
Lying on her side, using her right arm as a pillow, Mila was still holding on to my hand with her left. “What’s your favorite scene in the book?”
I recognized Mila’s signature move to diffuse any situation by changing the subject, but I didn’t mind.
“Hmm… there are many. From the first letters to their first kiss.”
“That kissing scene was amazing.” Mila reached for the book and began searching for the right place.
“You should read it aloud?”
She shook her head. “No, I want you to read it. I love listening to your voice.”
I complied and began reading aloud.
“You promised you’d be open to our culture.”
She smiled up at me, her cheeks red from the cold, and her eyes clear with curious intelligence. “Okay, then teach me.”
“If I kiss my little sister or my mother, I do it like this.” I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
“We do that here too.”
“Good. But there’s another type of kissing that’s only shared between a man and his woman.”
“Ahh, you mean a romantic kind of kiss. I’ve seen them in movies and read about them in books.”
“Have you?”
“Yes, but it seems very fabricated. I’ve never met a man who made me want to act that foolish. No woman would behave like that in real life.”
“But will you let me show you?”
She hesitated.
“It’s an important part of our culture, Deidra.”
“Okay, one kiss then.”
With a small smile of satisfaction, I let my finger trail down from her temple to her jawline. From the way her collarbone rose and sank, I could tell she was nervous.
“Relax,” I whispered and used my thumb to trail across her lips. We both had our eyes closed when I leaned in and kissed her. At first it was soft and my hand slid around her neck while I took in the exhilarating sensation of kissingDeidraafter all this time dreaming of her.
