Page 52 of The Pacifist
She was quiet and alert as I slid my tongue against hers like a knock on a door to a house no one had ever been granted access to before. The rush that went through me whenDeidraopened up and let me enter her divine mouth made me moan out loud.
I read the rest of the chapter and when I stopped, Mila looked over with a cute smile. “Hearing you read it just made that scene even better.”
“Does it make you feel disappointed with the kiss we had? You know, because we didn’t use tongue.” My voice was roughened from the effects of reading in the book.
Mila was slow to answer, “No, but it leaves me with unanswered questions.”
“Yeah, me too.”
We were quiet for a moment and then she asked in a low voice. “Are you going to kiss someone like that one day?”
“Probably not." I closed my eyes and turned on my back feeling ashamed of my passive-aggressive comment. It was just that reading that scene had made me long for Mila even more. Another long moment of silence between us was followed by her speaking first.
“Jonah, I’m a bit confused about why you felt rejected last night when I talked about passion in a marriage.”
“Because despite what Northlanders think, we Motlander men have pride too.”
“But I never rejected you.”
“Yes you did! I said I’d fight for you in a comedy battle if it meant keeping my friend and you said that you needed more than friendship in a marriage. You needed passion. You made it very clear that you don’t have those sorts of feelings for me.”
“Imade that clear?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure we were having the same conversation.”
I widened my eyes. “Are you denying that you said it?”
“No. But I never said that I couldn’t be passionate withyou.”
“It was implied.”
Mila gave a snort of disbelief. “Not from my side.”
Full of skepticism, I looked deep into her eyes. “You’re being the peacekeeper again, trying to make me feel better, but we both know that you’re not sexually attracted to me.”
Mila angled her head. “That’s not true.”
It would have been easy to buy into her words, but I wouldn’t allow myself that kind of hope. With a sigh, I confronted her. “Mila, stop being polite. You’ve said it before; you’re into big well-muscled men. I’m six-foot-tall and fit, but I’m no seven-foot mountain of a Huntsman.”
“All I’ve said is that I don’t judge people on how they look.”
“Come on. You have eyes in your head, and physical attraction plays a big part in how passionate you want to be with that person. You can’t deny that.”
Mila looked down. “You’re right. Does that make me shallow?”
I intertwined our fingers. “No, Mila, it makes you human.”
We were close when she met my eyes again. “What if I’m not attracted to any of the champions that I can choose from?”
My eyes closed for a second as I squeezed her hand. “I’m not going to repeat what I’ve already told you a million times, Mila.”
“That I don’t have to do it,” she said for me.
“Yeah.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Is it childish of me that I wanted to practice kissing with you?”
