Page 54 of The Pacifist
"Ahh, Jonah, I’ve wanted this for so long."
Intertwining our hands, I was careful to only slide up and down her folds without penetrating her.
"Do you want me too?"
My answer was hoarse with need. "Yes."
"Do you think we should make love?"
Everything was screamingyesinside me, except for the small alarm bell that made me pull back and look down at my gorgeous best friend half naked and about to do something she might regret.
The words hurt to get out, but I had to ask, “Are you sure you want that?”
“Why? Aren’t you?”
"But what if you regret it?"
The doubt on my face and the question spoken out loud broke the magic and she shut her eyes for a second.
“Don’t get me wrong. I would be honored to make love to you, Milove, but I don’t want you to regret it later.”
“Why would I regret it?” The way she pulled her shirt down to cover herself said it all. She wasn’t sure about this.
I sighed but gave her room to pull her panties back up while I lay down and tried to steady my pumping heart. Trying to ease the awkwardness, I opened my arm for her and used a light tone, “Come here, my North Star. Good kiss, huh?”
Mila relaxed and snuggled up against me. “Yeah, that was a really good kiss.”
“I think we found one of your hidden talents.” I laughed to release some of the pent-up energy still in my body.
“Not sure I did anything. You’re just a very good kisser, Jonah.”
Taking another deep breath to steady my racing heart, I spoke on the exhalation. “Thanks, but how would you know? You have nothing to compare it to.”
Mila lifted her left hand up in front of my face. “My whole body is shaking – look, that can’t be normal.”
“Of course it’s not normal. None of this is normal.” I kissed her forehead.
“Would you have gone all the way?” She whispered her question like she was afraid of my answer.
“Would you?”
“I asked you first.”
“Yes, Mila, I would have. I’d still like to.”
I tried not to be disappointed when she didn’t respond to my last comment.
“Jonah, when did you know that you weren’t asexual?”
A snort escaped me. “I never thought I was asexual. I told you that I wasn’t. It was all of you people who assumed it.”
That made her lift her head. “The reason you’d still like to make love to me… is it because you’re curious?”
I brushed hair away from her forehead. “No. It’s because kissing you made me want to never stop.”
“Me too.”
I could have drowned in those large blue eyes shining up at me. “You sure?” My heart was hammering fast.
