Page 55 of The Pacifist
“Yes, but does that mean you’d be open to…” She took a long steadying breath. “Would you be open to marriage?”
“Marriage?” My head was suddenly back to exploding with every obstacle in front of me. Not only did I have to find a way to confront my sister with what she’d done, I also had to fight for my seat on the Council, and support my family through potentially losing everything they’d worked hard for. Marrying would be sabotaging myself as people would think I’d completely lost my mind.
Cupping her face, I spoke in a serious tone of voice. “Mila, I love you. You know I do, but marriage… it’s archaic and your dad might only have one hand but he would definitely use it to strangle me to death. I’m not exactly his ideal son-in-law. Right now isn’t a good time for me with everything that’s going on with my family and the Council. You understand that, don’t you?”
Pulling away from me, Mila turned on her side.
“Sweets, come on. Don’t be like that. I’m just being honest here. An hour ago, I didn’t think you were attracted to me, and now you’re talking about marriage.”
“Forget it.”
“Sweets?” I touched her shoulder but she didn’t move. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just tired.”
“You’re being polite again. Be honest about how you feel.”
“I want to go to sleep and forget that this happened.”
“Why? That kiss was amazing.”
Slowly, Mila turned and looked back at me. Her eyes moist. “You know I wanteverything, Jonah.”
“But marriage… wasn’t that just to please your parents? If you stay with me in the Motherlands we don’t have to marry. We could just be together.”
My words made her curl up, and when I tried to pull at her shoulder, she refused to turn.
All my training in conflict resolution was running through my head, but I was mentally exhausted and flopped back on the mattress with a sigh of resignation.
Mila had never been truly mad at me before and after what had just happened between us, she had to know how much I desired her. Tomorrow we would figure it out.
CHAPTER 11
Heading Home
Mila
Looking up from his desk that I had rearranged to be closer to the window, Jonah watched me pack my bag.
“This isn’t what I had in mind when I invited you to come back to the Motherlands with me. I was going to show you all the beautiful places and have you experience the freedom women enjoy here.”
“It’s fine.” I kept my focus on packing everything meticulously.
“Mila, we need to talk about what happened last night. You can’t just shut me out.”
My chest was heavy with un-cried tears that would no doubt pour out of me the minute I could be alone. Yesterday I’d thought Jonah was in love with me too. His kisses and touches had been like an out-of-body experience.
“I have the first draft for my speech at the Council.”
“That’s great.” I still didn’t look at him.
“Mila, come on. This isn’t like you at all.” His pleading tone pushed at my already fragile state of mind and I fled into the bathroom, where I crouched down and sobbed into my hands. Trying to dampen the sound hurt my chest, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Jonah had wanted me last night. Not just as a dear friend, but as a lover. He had behaved like a man claiming his woman and I’d been ready to give myself to him.
In my head, I’d seen us confronting my parents together and standing our ground side to side. With Jonah as my partner, I could do anything.
But Jonah wasn’t an Nman and he didn’t want the same things as me. After twelve years in the North, I dreamed of family and a lifelong commitment. Jonah was a servant of the people and he would always put them first.
