Page 70 of The Pacifist
“No, I meant with Anne. Arson is a crime.”
Missy frowned. “Ohh. Yes, I suppose it is. Anne, what are your thoughts on that? How do you plan to clean up this mess?”
Anne pulled back in her own chair and collected herself. “I don’t have time to stay in a place of reflection.”
“You think I do?” Cole asked with his eyebrows arched. “At least take some responsibility for what you did.”
“Why? It’s not like you have taken any responsibility for burning my stuff.”
Pushing his hands through his hair, Cole puffed out air. “You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t handle that situation better.”
“Do you recognize that you should have talked to Anne about it instead of burning her things?” Missy asked him.
“Yes. But how do you talk to someone who ignores you?”
“You use a middleman or you wait until there isn’t a whole audience looking at me,” Anne exclaimed.
Cole’s palms flew up. “As I said, I didn’t handle it well and for that I’m sorry.”
“Thank you and I’m sorry too.” For the first time Anne and Cole were looking at each other. “I know I made things hard for you back then, and that I overreacted when you rejected me again. I wanted to annoy you by destroying the brewery, but I never meant to burn down the whole building. I truly wish I could take back all the stupid things I said in the media.”
“Cole, now that Anne has apologized, can you forgive her?”
Cole broke eye contact. “I think what is the hardest for me to forgive is that suicide note.” His head fell forward. “I still have it.”
We were all watching him in silence. I reached out to touch his arm when his shoulders began to bob and his hands went to his face.
“It’s okay to cry,” Missy assured him.
“I thought my baby sister had killed herself because of me.” Cole’s voice broke and I teared up too, remembering how destroyed I’d felt for the twenty-seven hours we’d thought Anne was dead. Every one of us had been ripped apart with grief and self-blame, but no one more than Cole, whom she had named in the letter.
“I’m sorry, Cole. I’m so sorry,” Anne kept repeating.
Raising his eyes to meet hers, his face was red and his eyes puffy from the crying. His voice staggered as if he didn’t have breath enough to both talk and cry at the same time. “That day, you broke something inside me.” His hand was on his chest. “You broke my heart.”
Anne moved down from her chair and kneeled in front of him, touching his arms. “If I could take it back, I would. It was cruel and I didn’t understand what I was doing to you.”
With all of us watching them, Anne and Cole cried together and then finally they hugged.
Missy passed around tissues and used several herself.
“What I would like to do is somehow bring you back together again.” Missy looked to Lilly. “Do you think that’s possible?”
“Yes.” Lilly sniffled, and hugged Anne again.
“Then I suggest that those of you who can find forgiveness in your heart join us up here in a love circle.”
One after another, we gathered around Anne. We didn’t sing the way children did in love circles, but we each quietly welcomed her back in the family.
Missy had us holding hands as she finished the mediation meeting. “I’m proud of you all. Today, you took the first important step toward healing your family. What we did was clean a bleeding wound, but I’m asking you to be patient. Wounds take time to heal; they can be itchy at first, and they leave scar tissue. Still, I believe with all my heart that you can heal as a family if you show grace, tolerance, and forgiveness toward each other.
Before we left, I hugged Anne, who whispered in my ear, “I’ll do whatever I can to clean up the mess I made for you. Just tell me how.”
I pulled back to look at her. “Thank you, but it might be too late at this point.”
CHAPTER 15
Jonah’s Speech
