Page 21 of Charlie
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded.
“You say it’s hard for you to show emotions, but do you still have as wide a range as other people?”
Looking around at the other guests in the restaurant, I thought about it. “That’s hard for me to know, isn’t it? Can you say if you have a wider range of emotions than the people at that table, or that one? How do you measure something like that? We Aspies are all different and I’m on the lighter end of the spectrum. I feel anger, sadness, empathy, and frustration just like other people, but it’s my ability to express those emotions that can be hard at times. There’ve been situations where people have called me cold and uncaring, but it wasn’t that I didn’t feel. I just couldn’t be there for them.”
Liv took it all in. “Wow.” She breathed. “That’s a big skeleton to have in a relationship.”
I picked a cherry tomato from my plate and popped it in my mouth. “Compared to your puny ones, it is.”
We returned to eating a bit more. “I do have one big thing that is very private.”
Lifting my gaze to watch her, I waited for her to go on.
“It’s kind of a fetish really.”
“A sexual fetish?” My back straightened with interest.
“Yes. But it’s only something I would ever discuss with a lover I trust.”
“But it’s a skeleton?”
She tilted her head from side to side. “It’s something that can be either a turn-on or turn-off.”
“What is it?”
Liv smiled. “If you ever become my lover and we grow to have complete trust, I’ll tell you.”
My napkin lifted in my lap from the mere thought of being her lover.
“If your fetish turns me off, you don’t want me as your lover to begin with.”
“I suppose you’re right about that. My sister says there’s someone for all of us, but apparently, my man is playing some lame game of hide and seek because I can’t find him anywhere.”
My fingers tapped against my glass. “And are you looking to settle down?”
“Yeah, I am. I’ll be twenty-seven next, and I want the dream. The partnership and the family.” She shrugged. “You?”
“I…” I thought about it. “I’ve been so focused on my career that it’s only recently that I’m starting to reflect on my dreams. Conor helped me with that, and if I’m honest, I’d love to be in a committed relationship if it was with the right woman.”
“And you thought Sara was that person?”
“Mmm, there was a spark of hope for sure… but let’s get back to your fetish. You can trust me, you know. I’m good at keeping secrets.”
She took a large gulp of her water and thought about it before she shook her head. “For a moment there, I was tempted to tell you. It’s weird. I can’t figure out what it is about you, Charles, but you do funny things to my sanity.”
I felt flattered by her words and wanted to push her and get more details, but knowing that I had a tendency to overstep people’s boundaries, I let it go… for now.
“How long are you staying in Dublin?”
Liv lowered the slice of pizza that she’d been about to bite into. “I’m not sure. This trip was spontaneous and I just bought a one-way ticket to Europe. Dublin happened to be the cheapest flight, so I’m starting here before I move on.” She bent down, rummaged through her bag, and picked out a handwritten note. “I made this list on my way across the Atlantic.”
I took the list she handed to me and read aloud.
“Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Rome, Paris, Oslo, Vienna, Athens. Wow, how long do you have? You realize that these cities are in a lot of different countries, right?”
“Yes, I know. I was studying a map when I wrote them down.”
