Page 84 of Charlie
“Is Nathan going to be all right?” River asked in a brittle voice.
“Yes.” I gave her a small smile of reassurance. “You and I are going to warm him up again. I just need to change out of these wet clothes.” I changed in the hallway powder room and hurried back into the children’s room. It was large. Even with my mattress on the floor, and the two beds that were placed against opposite walls, there was room for River’s toys, a large closet, and Nathan’s collection of Star Wars ships that spread out over his side of the room.
I got into Nathan’s bed and positioned myself sitting against the wall while helping him sit up against me to sip from the tea cup. He was shaking less than he had downstairs and his breathing was better too.
“River, were you there when Conor asked Nathan to go meditate in the pond?”
River had moved to sit at the foot end of the bed and was rubbing Nathan’s feet again.
“River?”
She looked down.
“It’s okay. You can tell me. I know Nathan would never do something like that on his own accord.”
River stayed quiet while I helped Nathan take a tiny sip more.
“Are you afraid that Conor will get mad at you for telling me the truth?” I asked her.
She bit her lip. “It’s just that sometimes we children get confused.”
Looking straight into her eyes, I kept my voice calm. “Did you hear Conor tell Nathan to go meditate in the pond? I won’t tell a soul outside this room. All I want is for you to tell me what you heard.”
Still biting her lip, she nodded her head. “I did.”
“Do you think he was making a joke?”
A line formed between her eyebrows. “Conor was angry. He said Nathan wasn’t trying hard enough and that he didn’t appreciate everything Conor is doing for him.”
I stroked the boy’s hair and helped him drink another sip while asking him in a soft voice. “And did you feel like you needed to prove that you do?”
He nodded, pulled the duvet higher, and spoke in a weak voice that was still shaky. “I’m not ungrateful. I know that… that I owe Conor everything. I’m an orphan and he took me in. If not for him…. I wou… would have been in an orphanage.”
I kept stroking his hair, relieved to see the color in his lips returning.
“Nathan, I want you to listen to me.” I paused to be sure he was focused. “I believe you!”
He closed his eyes.
“I believe you.” I let the words hang in the air.
“I’m sorry Conor made you look like a liar. It’s not right, but I want you to know that I believe you over him.”
He still had his eyes closed but tears were running down now.
Hugging him from behind, I rocked his body. “And I also want you to know that there are a ton of people out there who would love to have a son like you. You’re kind, smart, funny, and driven. Conor is lucky to have you in his life. Do you understand?”
Nathan’s chest bobbed as he was sobbing now.
River’s face was drooping with sympathy. “Liv is right. I feel lucky that you’re my brother. I know you think it’s annoying that you have to share a room with me, but you still let me play with your Star Wars and you wake me up from my nightmares and hold my hand. Remember that time when you sang for me? I don’t think many big brothers would do that.” She and I were tearing up too.
“Nathan.” I said his name in a soothing voice and kept rocking his body as I held him against my chest. Reaching for a tissue on his night table, I dried his nose, which was running, and like a small child, he turned his body and clung to me while sobbing his heart out.
“It’s okay. I’m right here.”
At fourteen, Nathan was small for his age but in that moment, it felt like the seven-year-old boy whose mom had committed suicide was letting out all his grief in my arms.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you, and I believe you. You’re not crazy and you didn’t lie.” I kept repeating words to soothe him while letting him cry out his sorrow and frustration.
