Page 101 of Atlas
I gave a single nod.
“You’ve created a coping mechanism of compartmentalizing the unwanted parts of your sexuality and named that part of you the wolf, but what you’re missing is that the wolf is the uninhibited creative part of you. He might be primitive, but with him, everything is simple, and he goes after what he wants. That fantasy you just described seems like a clear message from your subconscious that you want me, and not just for sex. A pregnancy represents a long-time commitment. It represents family. You interpret it as something dirty, but to me, it’s beautiful.”
“Tying you up and coming inside you without consent is beautiful?” I stared at her. “Are you out of your mind?”
Jolene drew in a deep breath. “You forget the part about me submitting and having an orgasm. Obviously, there’s trust and love between us in that fantasy, or I would have struggled. I wish you wouldn’t judge yourself so harshly. Sexual fantasies play with the forbidden, but this one is powerful; it carries a message. Unless…” She scratched her nose.
“Unless what?”
“Is impregnating women in general part of your kink?”
“That’s a hard no. I’ve never had that fantasy before.”
The edge of her lip lifted as she let her finger travel up my arm and shoulder.
“Jo.”
“Mmhh?”
I closed my eyes for a long second before looking deep into her eyes. “You’re not normal. Every time I give you information that would make every other woman freak-out, you turn it upside down and hand it back to me like a nice package with a fucking bow on it.”
We were silent for a moment.
“I wish you would embrace your sexuality.”
I snorted. “Make friends with the wolf. Yeah, you said that already.”
Jolene’s eyes were small slits as she struggled to stay awake. Pulling our intertwined hands up to her lips, she planted a kiss on me, and then she tugged them under her cheek. “I want to talk, but I’m so tired.”
“It’s okay. Go to sleep.” I used my free hand to lift the duvet higher on her body and brush hair from her face.
It didn’t take long before her breathing was deep and steady.
As I watched her sleep, I was awestruck by how much she trusted me. Why was it that she trusted me more than I trusted myself?
I knew the answer to my question intuitively; Jolene trusted herself to be right about me.
Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling. The wolf was calm now, but as I directed my attention to him, he growled low.Jolene is mine!
I smiled, and then I muttered into the night. “Yeah, I know wolf, I love her too.”
CHAPTER 24
The Trouble with Trauma
Jolene
“I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday. My days have been too crammed with testing,” Diane said as she walked into the office on Thursday afternoon. “I wanna hear all about Ireland and your interviews, but first, tell me how your head is doing.”
“It’s fine.”
“And how do you feel emotionally?”
I tilted my head and thought about it. “There’s been moments ofwhat the hell happened, but for the most part, I’ve been so distracted that I’ve managed to not think too much about Niklavs.”
Diane picked her bag up from the floor and rummaged through it only to pick out a Snickers. “What about the interviews? Did you get something useful out of Atlas’ siblings?”
I pointed to my computer. “I’m going over my notes right now. It was five very different interviews, and I’m amazed at how differently they’re coping or not coping with what happened to them.”
