Page 112 of Atlas
“I want the truth.”
“Now? You’ve been through trauma tonight. Maybe we should talk about this another night.”
“No! We’ve been through so much these past weeks. I can’t handle any more uncertainty. My brain is overloaded and overwhelmed, with no energy left to analyze and speculate. I need to know that we’re on the same page, Atlas.” I sat on a pillow with my legs crisscrossed, and a blanket wrapped around me. I wasn’t cold any longer, now that the fireplace was bathing us in intense heat.
Atlas stretched his legs and crossed them at his ankles before leaning back on his hands. “Remember that fantasy I told you about when we came back from Dublin? The one where the wolf wanted to tie you up, and cum inside you unprotected?”
“Yes.”
“Well, he keeps showing it to me. I thought it was about his need to dominate you, but what you said about it being his sign of a long-term commitment makes a lot of sense. He never reacted this strongly to any woman, and it feels like it’s a done deal to him.”
“Done deal, how?”
Atlas frowned and kept his gaze on my shoulder. “To him, you’re his mate.”
“Mate,” I repeated.
“I know it sounds weird, but you said it yourself; the wolf is the primitive part of me.”
I bit my lip, suppressing a smile. Atlas had just used the words wolf and me in the same sentence. That was a significant step in the right direction.
He didn’t seem to catch the significance of it, and continued, “The rational part of me is coming up with all sorts of arguments that you’d be better off without me. My family history is complicated and ugly. I can be unreasonable and argumentative. And sexually, I’m dominant and possessive, and there’s a real chance that I’ll overstep your boundaries in bed. I don’t want to hurt you, Jolene. You deserve someone who will put your needs before his, and I’m trying, but the truth is that almost losing you three times now makes me want to hold on and never let go.”
“Three times? Niklavs tried to kill me twice, not three times.”
“I know, but then you mentioned going back to California, and it freaked me out.”
“Why? Why did it freak you out? You haven’t known me for that long. I’ve been nothing but trouble since I came into your life, and you can always hire a new psychologist to work for you.”
Atlas took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You’re right, but…”
I held my breath. This was it! I instinctively knew we had reached the moment of truth.
“But I’ve never met anyone like you, and I don’t want to freak you out, but I love you.” His last three words came out in an inaudible mumble.
I leaned forward. “What was that?”
Atlas put his glasses back on and met my eyes. “You’ll think that I’m crazy and probably moving way too fast, but these past few days, I’ve begun communicating with the wolf, and the only thing we agree on is that we both love you.”
My shoulders relaxed, my face softened, and a smile grew on my face. “You mean that?”
“Yes.”
Opening my arms, I reached out to him. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”
Atlas pulled me onto his lap and kissed me before leaning back and tilting his head. “I’ve never told a woman that I loved her, except for my sisters. I thought it would freak you out.”
“Why would it freak me out?”
“Isn’t it obvious? We haven’t known each other for that long. And from personal experience, I know that the few times someone I dated used the L-word with me, I freaked out and ended the relationship. I didn’t want to make the same mistake of moving too fast and losing you.”
I leaned my forehead against his. “I love you too, Atlas.”
He squeezed my waist and narrowed his eyes. “How much?”
My head leaned back as I thought about it. “Enough that I would stay in Chicago to be with you.”
He smiled, and playfully nibbled at my lip. “Hmm, that’s a great start, but you already live and work here, though.”
