Page 20 of Atlas
“That’s okay. We can sneak out, and I’ll show you what the real deal is about.”
“The real deal being a greasy hot dog?”
I nodded and bared my teeth in a wide smile. “My treat.”
Atlas took a moment watching me with amusement before he gave a slow nod. “All right. I’ll go.”
Leaning my head back, I raised my arms in the air and howled with joy. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
He chuckled while shaking his head at me. “Your joy is as pure as my five-year-old sister’s.”
I didn’t care that he compared me to a child. I was beaming from ear to ear in a broad grin. A life-long dream of being at a Super Bowl was only four days away.
CHAPTER 5
The Sins of Our Father
Atlas
The light from the fridge lit up my dark kitchen. It was 2:30 a.m., and I was hungry, but nothing in there appealed to me.
The options were limited — some left-over pizza, salami, cheese, grapes, yogurt, pickles, and protein powder.
With a sigh, I grabbed the milk and went for a bowl of Golden Puffs.
My sister River was right. My eating habits were horrible. For the last year, it had been on my to-do list to change it - just not tonight.
I should be sleeping, but as on so many nights before, heavy thoughts kept me up.
Chewing on a spoonful of Golden Puffs, I blamed myself for not being strong enough. I should be able to control my thoughts and not let them define me, but every time I weakened my defense, dark thoughts overwhelmed me. Tonight, I’d felt restless and figured I could calm myself with a quick wank. But the moment I closed my eyes and touched myself, disturbing images arose in my mind. My father had used and abused women. I hated that about him. So why was it that mental pictures of pinning down a woman and dominating her aroused me?
What was extra disturbing was that I hadn’t just fantasized about any woman. It had been a woman that I knew, and it made me hate my fantasy of dominating her even more.
How the hell was I supposed to bring Jolene to a football game and spend time with her when I felt like I owed her a massive apology for things I’d done to her in my fantasy?
To distract myself from my shame and self-blame, I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts on social media. My account was low on information and pictures, but my younger siblings kept the world updated on their lives. Nathan had uploaded gorgeous images of nature. He was running an ultra race in Iceland this week. I wrote a quick comment telling him that he was missing the point and that he should take time to enjoy the beautiful nature instead of rushing through it.
My sister River was clubbing with friends and had selfies of her and a handful of picture-perfect friends posing for the camera. Her life on social media looked glamorous, but I knew better. She was clubbing to get drunk and forget about her last relationship, which had ended a few days ago. Another wealthy businessman or celebrity that ended up disappointing her. River lived in London and had made it into a circle of posh people whom I had little in common with and who thought me boring. Not that it stopped her girlfriends from fishing for my attention. I had money after all, and that seemed to be the only criterion that counted in their books.
Emptying the bowl of Golden Puffs, I thought about how bizarre it was that River was so conscious about what she put in her body foodwise when she seemed drawn to toxic people and relationships. At least I was selective about people.
Maximum, my only biological sibling, was somewhere in Asia volunteering at an orphanage. I could see he was online and called him up on FaceTime.
A live feed came up with the top of my brother’s head and a stained ceiling. “Trouble sleeping again?”
“Yes. Hey, let me see your face. I can only see your hair.”
“Better now?” My brother’s face came into view. We looked similar with light brown hair and brown eyes, but unlike me, he didn’t wear glasses. “Why are you sitting in darkness? I can’t see you.”
“Oh, hang on.” I moved over to turn on the light behind me.
“What time is it at your place?” Maximum asked and looked at his watch. “Around four in the morning?”
“Uh-huh. Are you off from work?”
“Yes. I just came back to the hotel ten minutes ago.”
“Show me.”
