Page 72 of Atlas
Atlas placed a hand on my elbow and pulled me gently to the side. Shifting his balance from one side to the other, he talked in a soft voice. “I’m sorry that you didn’t have a brother like that, and I’m sorry that after Niklavs attacked you, I couldn’t hold you like JD held Bree.”
I stepped closer to him, raising both hands and placing them on his shoulders. “It’s not the same thing. Niklavs wasn’t some teenage boy trying to take advantage of my naïveté. He was a lethal killer trying to murder me.” As the words rushed out of my mouth, I teared up again. “You saved my life that day, and no matter what happens, a part of me will always love you for that.”
We stood for a moment and looked into each other’s eyes. I could have sworn I saw longing, but my mind was analyzing everything, and a small voice told me I was projecting my own feelings onto him.
You see what you want to see.
Tilting my head, I leaned in to hug Atlas, and again he closed his arms around me and held on tight.
“I swore I thought your brown eyes turned almost black before,” I mumbled against his cheek before placing a kiss against his stubble.
He tightened his hold on me, and it released a whole swarm of butterflies in my stomach. I was a hugger by nature, but Atlas and I were developing a habit of hugging longer than necessary.
I felt flames shooting up my spine when Atlas turned his head and kissed my cheekbone. With every part of my being, I wanted him to kiss my lips too, but he released me and stepped back. “Let’s go see what they have in that toy store.”
As I walked alongside him, and we mingled into the crowd of people entering the mall, I felt a knot of disappointment in my stomach. Why did I keep getting the feeling that Atlas was about to kiss me when he never did? I could have sworn that I saw desire in his eyes just now.
Trying to push the sadness away, I reminded myself that I’d been over this on the drive from the airport and that if Atlas wanted more than friendship from me, he would have told me by now. There had been plenty of opportunities for him with all the hugging we did.
But what if I wasn’t projecting my own emotions onto him? What if Atlas was flattered by my interest and selfish enough to play with my feelings? Atlas wasn’t some shy inexperienced schoolboy who didn’t know what kind of signals he was sending. He was a man who studied human emotions for a pastime, which meant that he would recognize the signs that I had developed romantic feelings for him. The way I smiled at him and touched him at any opportunity were apparent clues.
The more I thought about it, the more I resented that I was walking around in this mall with a painful feeling in my stomach.
I was a psychologist, for God sake. I should know better than to give away my power like that. Taking a deep breath and following in Atlas’ footsteps on autopilot, I gave myself a stern mental talking-to.
You can’t control Atlas’ behavior, only your own.
If being physically close to him makes you want more and causes you to feel sadness and pain, then stop touching and hugging him all the time.
Accept that all he has to offer you is a platonic friendship and appreciate him for who he is and not what you wish he could be.
Show some pride. You’ve never thrown yourself at any man, so don’t start now.
“This is the place,” Atlas pointed to a colorful store. “Let me just talk to one of the employees to see if they have trampolines, and then we can go find something from you if you want to.”
“It’s fine. I can browse the store while you talk to someone about the trampoline.”
He frowned, and I could tell he didn’t like that I wanted to go my own way. I wondered if he felt the slight power shift between us.
That’s right — no more following Atlas around like a smitten kitten. From now on, I’ll meet him as an equal.
Stopping in front of a shelf full of dolls, I picked up a box with Barbie and Ken and let my hand glide over Ken’s face. Weird that I had once wanted to marry a man who looked like him.
“Sorry, Ken, but my taste has shifted to guys with glasses,” I muttered. “You’re too boyish. I need someone with stories in their eyes.”
I put the box back and went to the book section. There, among all the books, was a gorgeous pop-out book with magical creatures: unicorns, mermaids, a phoenix, and colorful dragons.
My gift to Saffron would be one of the things I treasured most in the world, a good book.
CHAPTER 17
Night Out
Atlas
My eyes scanned the room. Loud music came from the live band that was playing all the classic Irish sing-along-songs. Around me, people chatted with their friends while the smell of alcohol and perfume mixed with sweat hung in the air. At least our table was close to the door, and whenever someone came or left, a bit of fresh February cold wafted in.
“I can’t believe Nathan convinced me to come,” Lumi said and raised her glass of white wine.
