Page 81 of Atlas
His tone was dismissive and defensive. "You don't understand the depraved fantasies in my mind. The wolf — he, he…” Atlas scrunched up his face. “If you knew, you'd never want to be around me again, and you sure as hell wouldn’t sit so close."
Taking a deep breath, I moved even closer to him. "We're at the point of no return, Atlas. I think you showed me that video to scare me off, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re not your father. His behavior was despicable, depraved, and unforgivable. But that’s on him. Not you! You can’t let his actions define you.”
Atlas watched me closely as if waiting for me to bring up a, “but.”
“Why don’t you tell me about your fantasies and let me decide for myself if I’m going to run or stay?”
Atlas pressed his lips into a fine line, not giving me anything.
“The wolf. What does he want? Tell me.”
I understood Atlas’ need to distance himself from a part of him that he was at war with, but it saddened me how disassociated he was from his sexuality.
“You don’t like the wolf much, do you?” I asked.
“No.”
“These fantasies, do they involve children?”
"No."
“Men?”
Atlas lowered his brow. “No.”
“All right, so we’re talking about sex with women then?”
“Yes.”
“You said that your inner wolf wants to hurt people, so I have to ask you, is it that snuff thing where you have sex with a woman and strangle her to death?”
Atlas scrunched his face up. "Noo, of course not."
Swallowing hard, I thought back to the way he’d been with me in the alley tonight. “Does the wolf want to rape women?”
In a fast movement, Atlas stood up and paced the floor. “No. I don’t know. Sort of.”
“It’s a simple question, Atlas. Does he want to take women without consent?”
He sat back down again, looking straight into my eyes. “It’s not simple at all. He wants the woman to want him to hurt her.”
I lowered my voice. “Hurt her, how?”
“Fuck her, hard and merciless.”
I thought about his words of choice because, to me, hard and merciless meant two different things. “Do you mean hard as in he wants to dominate her? Or merciless as in he gets off on her pain?”
“It’s not about her pain. The wolf enjoys control.”
“You mean like a Dom?”
Atlas crossed his arms. “If you’re referring to one of those people in sex clubs who wear black leather with a whip, then no.”
“But you said he gets off on controlling his sex partner.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have to be dressed in black leather to share the characteristics of a Dom.”
