Page 83 of Atlas
He turned his head away. “I might have.”
I could see why having a woman flee his apartment after a failed sexual encounter would have traumatized him. “Had you slept with her before?”
“No, but we’d dated for about a month.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty-one.”
I pulled his duvet over me and moved to rest against the wall next to him. “So let me get this straight. You’re with a girl, and without discussing any of this with her beforehand, you start spanking her and telling her that she’s your little whore.”
“I didn’t say, whore.”
“Then what did you say?”
“I can’t remember, but not whore.”
I looked up at him. “But was it along those lines?”
“Maybe.”
“So that’s your problem. You hadn’t established the level of respect and trust it requires to have that sort of sex with a woman. You behaved like a douche, and it sounds like she was too young to set you straight.”
Atlas looked thoughtful. “I’m confused. How are you not disgusted with what I’ve told you? Women are bringing men to justice for being pigs these days, and I’ve never been with a woman who asked me to be rough with her. It might be common in porn, but in real life, women despise that sort of behavior, don’t they?”
“Well, obviously, it’s not for everyone. I’ve never asked a guy to be rough either, but…”
He watched me closely, our faces no further apart than that he could dip down and kiss me if he wanted to. “Jolene, how are you still in my room when I’ve admitted that I have those disgusting dirty fantasies about you?"
The psychologist in me took notice that he used the termIwhen he mentioned the fantasies. It was a good sign that he didn’t hide behind the wolf this time. It took me a bit longer to register that he’d said that his fantasies were about me. A tingle ran down my spine, and heat spread between my legs. A small smile grew on my face. “Now, you have me intrigued. What are we doing in those fantasies?”
“There's nothing to smile about. I’ve told you. It's not cute or romantic fantasies. It's raw and intense, and I'm dominating you.”
Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach, but I tried to play it cool. “Dominating me, how?”
“In every fucking way, I can.”
“Give me an example of some of these fantasies.”
He sighed. “When we were eating dinner the other night, I fantasized about ordering you to crawl under the table and blow me while I ate. I want to tie you up and leave marks on your ass from a hard spanking. I want to see you on your knees with your make-up smeared because your eyes water from how deep my cock reaches down your throat.”
I gaped at him, and his eyes closed as if he wished he could take back his words.
“I shouldn’t have told you that.” There was so much grief on his face, as if his words had already torn us apart. “I fucking wish I was a regular guy who got turned on by cute lingerie or feet. But my mind is dark and twisted and demands complete sexual control over my partner. I wish I could change it, but it's the curse my father put upon me.”
An idea hit me, and without a word, I got up and left the room.
CHAPTER 19
Chasing After
Atlas
When Jolene hurried out of my room, I wanted to bang my head against the wall.
Why the fuck did I tell her about my sick fantasies?
I had lost control tonight at the bar and kissed her in a way that I’d never kissed a woman before. As if she were a simple street whore, I’d pulled her into an alley and trapped her against a wall with no escape.
