Page 98 of Atlas
From a psychological standpoint, it wasn’t hard to see why I’d fallen so hard for Atlas. He fit the societal image of the perfect man so well. He was handsome and fit, taller than me, incredibly smart, made more money than me, and he’d saved me from danger. Like most women in my generation, I’d been conditioned to find those qualities attractive in a man. I might be a strong modern woman, but with Atlas, it was easy to let go of my need to control things. Atlas took that role with his natural confidence and authority. I felt safe with him. Safe enough to explore a new side of my sexuality. I couldn’t remember being submissive with other men, but with Atlas, it felt good.
But are you willing to be his lover?
The thought saddened me. I didn’t want to be put in the same box as his wolf and only be brought out to satisfy his sexual appetite.
I had more to offer, and I deserved better than to be some rich man’s plaything.
But are you ready to give him up? If you pressure him, you might lose everything.
The worst-case scenario of losing my job and having to move again made me emotional.
No, I wasn’t ready to confront Atlas and possibly have him end our relationship. I would take things one day at a time and build the strength it would take to ask for all of him or risk losing him forever.
CHAPTER 23
Domination
Atlas
I’d wanted to join the mile high club with Jolene. It should have been easy with the lights dimmed in the cabin and most passengers fast asleep, except that across from us, a woman in her sixties seemed to have a medical issue or food poisoning because she got out of her seat to use the bathroom constantly. I thought about waking up Jolene and asking her to sneak into the second restroom with me, but that idea died after I went to check it out first. Whatever that old lady had going on, it had polluted the air in both bathrooms.
After we returned to Chicago, I took Jolene back to my apartment. It was one a.m., and despite her sleeping on the plane, she was still tired.
“Thank you for showing me Europe,” she said and rose up on her toes to hug me.
“There’s still a lot to see,” I answered and closed my arms around her.
She yawned. “Are you going to stay up?”
“I’m not tired.”
“Well, I am. Do you mind if I take a warm shower before I go to bed?”
“Of course not. Do you want company in the shower?” I bit her neck and growled low, but Jolene wriggled out of my hold with a chuckle. “Don’t. I’m sweaty from the journey.”
I stood back and watched her roll her suitcase to the guestroom.
The wolf popped up in my head, wanting to go after her and take her to my room, but I controlled myself. I didn’t want to push her too far too fast. If Jolene felt more comfortable in the guestroom, it wasn’t a big deal.
It’s a fucking big deal!the wolf argued, and I knew what he meant. This trip to Ireland had changed everything for me. Jolene knew about my darkest secret, and she still hadn’t run away screaming. For the first time, I had hope that with her as my partner, I could live a full life without having to hide my sexuality or be ashamed of it.
Feeling hungry, I heated a frozen pizza in the oven and brought it to the couch while contemplating how not to scare Jolene away.
It felt like the wolf was pacing inside me, showing me his dirty fantasies of tying Jolene up and hurting her. I stopped chewing and reworded that thought in my head. I’d always used the wordhurtingher, but after my conversations with Jolene, it was clear to me that the wolf didn’t get off on hurting her; it was about domination and control for him.
Still, if I unleashed the wolf on her, would I be able to control him, or would he overstep her boundaries? For years, I’d hated him and suppressed him. I didn’t trust him, and I couldn’t let him ruin what I had with Jolene.
The shower in the guestroom wasn’t running anymore, which meant that Jolene had probably gone to bed.
More visual fantasies popped into my head about the things he wanted to do to her. I rubbed my face as if I could remove the image of waking her up by sitting astride her chest, trapping her arms along her body with my knees, and face-fucking her until she made gagging sounds and teared up.
Disturbed by the wolf’s depraved fantasy, I headed for the shower, but he still kept showing me more fantasies of dominating her. From experience, I knew that the only way for him to leave me alone would be to indulge in the fantasies while jerking off.
All the time, the fantasies revolved around controlling Jolene sexually. Tying her up and owning her body. The wolf was howling with excitement when he showed me how he wanted to fuck her hard, and then while she was helpless and bound, he’d take off the condom and drop it next to her face on the pillow to underline his complete control of her body.
With one hand on the shower wall and the other rubbing my cock, I played out the fantasy in my mind of seeing the shock on Jolene’s face as I pushed back inside her and took her bareback. I could hear her protests,
“I’m not on the pill. What are you doing? Stop. I’ll get pregnant.”
