Page 58 of Lumi
She knows! Damian told her about our night together.
I can’t do it!
Siobhan hates me, and to Damian, I’m just a young, naïve girl.
I can’t shake their hands.
Why did I think sex would matter to him?
He probably told Siobhan that he only did it because he was drunk and miserable about her breaking up with him.
I’m the dumb pathetic girl with the crush who was available, while she’s the woman he loves.
He chose her!
“Lumi dear, you’re holding up the line, sweetie.” Liv’s voice tore me from my self-loathing inner dialogue. She was standing a few feet away.
I tried pushing out a short “congratulations,” but the knot in my stomach grew like a ball of lava. Any second now, I was going to throw up again. With panic in my eyes, I clasped a hand in front of my mouth just as Damian stepped toward me.
“Lumi…”
I made a gagging sound, spun on my heels, and ran.
People moved aside, but one tall man had his back to me and, cutting the corner to get around him and out in the hallway, I collided with an ancient knight’s armor that fell to the floor with the sound of clanking metal ricocheting off the white wall in the staircase.
“Lumi…” Damian’s voice behind me made me find the strength to scramble up before he could reach me.
Looking around in desperation, I didn’t see a single bin, and with cheeks bulging out like a squirrel collecting food for the winter, I couldn’t hold back the vomit any longer.
Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed the antique helmet and threw up in it.
“Lumi.” I could feel Damian’s hand on my back as I stood leaning forward.
Mortified, humiliated, and heartbroken, I rolled my shoulder to get his hand off me, and then I pushed through the doors to the outside.
Still holding the helmet, I rushed across the parking lot outside and hid behind trees and cars. Once I had some distance from the party, I took a deep breath of the chilly December air.
“Lumi.” This time it was Atlas’ voice calling out to me over the music from inside. I couldn’t answer him because my body seemed determined to try and eject all the emotional pain inside me by forcing me to throw up again.
“Where did she go?”
Drying my mouth and taking another set of big gulps of air, I moved further into the shadows hoping that the noise from the music in the ballroom had drowned out my retching.
“Lumi, where are you?” I could hear both Atlas and Liv calling for me, but I couldn’t face either of them now.
“Come inside, sis. It’s too cold out here,” Atlas called out before they turned and walked back to the party.
I wanted to cry when they all went back inside. Yes, I wanted to be alone, but I was sick and in so much pain.
I had eight people in my life whom I loved: Charles, Liv, Atlas, River, Nathan, Maximum, Kit, and Damian.
Once, I’d lost twenty-eight people whom I considered family in one night. My mother had been my world before Conor ripped her away from me. I knew the pain of losing all too well, and the accumulated losses in my life made the realization that I’d now lost Damian, too, unbearable.
I stumbled back, reaching for a tree to keep me from falling. The soul-ripping grief in my heart made me hyperventilate, and small whimpers escaped me as my new reality sunk in.
My cherished friendship with Damian was over!
At least my mom hadn’t left me because she didn’t love me anymore. She hadn’t wanted to leave me. Damian had done it by choice.
