Page 55 of Nathan
Who to Trust
Serena
With the door slamming behind me, I marched in long strides down the narrow strip of land that led from the cabin to where our car was parked. I was angry and hurt and needed distance to sort out my emotions.
There seemed to be a theme in my life of shallow people and pretend relationships. Even Nathan wasn’t the reliable person with a high level of integrity that I’d thought he was. Nathan was scheming and vindictive, and my pride was deeply hurt that his kiss on Saturday hadn’t even been real.
Looking up at a large tree, I asked with tears welling up in my eyes, “What’s wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this?”
The tree stood like a quiet spectator, interrupted in the game it played with the wind that caused its green leaves to sway.
“If only I could be a tree and feel nothing,” I muttered and stormed onward with my heart heavy from the self-doubt that had been my constant companion the last fifteen years. All the rejections from hundreds of auditions and rude comments from directors who found me lacking in a thousand different ways. Too young, too old, too short, too tall... not what we’re looking for!
It took grit, perseverance, and mental strength to survive in the entertainment industry. When I began performing at the theater as a kid, it had been a joyride of fun. Then came my late teenage years with ambitions of playing in movies, which led to my big move from New York to Los Angeles. After sixteen years in the business, I’d learned that no one was exempt from the eternal pressure of delivering your best performance every time a director called “action.”
When I was stressed like now, it was easy to allow all the negativity to outweigh the love of thousands of fans, the standing ovations, and the awards for some of the iconic movie roles I’d played.
I kept walking but kept close enough that I could see the cabin. I might be hurt and upset, but I wasn’t stupid enough to get lost in a massive Swedish forest. After twenty minutes, I returned to sit on a large boulder on the brink of the water.
Picking up a long twig, I threw the little pieces into the calm water. It was September the 8th, and with the sun hanging low over the trees, the air was getting chilly, making me wish that I’d brought my cardigan with me.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?”
I didn’t turn to see Nathan behind me but lifted my shoulders in a shrug.
Nathan sat down and looked straight ahead for a long moment before he spoke. “Were you thinking of me when you crushed that poor twig?”
“You and all the other people in my life who turned out to be liars and frauds.”
Nathan stretched his feet on the rock and leaned back on his hands. “It’s funny you should have a problem with that since you’re a big fat liar too.”
I jerked my head around to confront him. “I’m not!”
“Come on, Serena. You’ve scammed the world into thinking you’re engaged to Storm.”
“I didn’t come up with that idea, I just went along.”
“Is that your excuse? That everyone else lies, and that makes it okay? You might think that it’s not a big thing, but the lie you went along with this time fucking crushed my sister and made me resent you.”
She gave me a sideway scowl.
“Do you even understand how stupid I felt after thinking we had something and then reading in the papers that you hooked up with Storm? I felt played!”
Defending myself, I exclaimed. “And I feel hurt that you would think so little of me! You should have known I wouldn’t hook up with Storm for real. We made fun of him behind his back, remember?”
“I should have known?” Nathan scrunched up his face and spoke in an incredulous tone. “How the fuck was I supposed to know when you didn’t call or text me? All I could see was the photos and headlines of how happy you were with Storm.”
“I was sure River would tell you.”
“She didn’t know! And neither does anyone else outside your inner circle. Everyone is buying the lie that you’re an engaged woman screwing around, and if you want to blame someone, blame yourself.”
“Blame myself?” My voice rose as I felt under attack. “It wasn’t my fault.”
“Of course it was. You got so swallowed up in that artificial world you live in that you forgot that normal people don’t lie and cheat their way through life.”
“Some do.”
Nathan shook his head. “Maybe, but is that who you want to be?”
