Page 26 of River
Maya sighed. “I wish I was as shocked as you, but Ana is just one of many. All my kids have a story of neglect or suffering. Most of them were given up by their parents for different reasons, but those who were taken from their parents often have even deeper scars.” Maya nodded to some veggies on the counter. “Wanna wash and cut those for a salad?”
“Yes.”
As I worked, I commented. “I had a traumatic childhood myself, but at least I never lived on the street or worried about my next meal. I admire the kids here for being so resilient. They seem so happy.”
“I think they are happy. We’re a family here, and they feel wanted and safe.”
“But the way Ana flinched. She’s so shy and reserved, like she doesn’t trust others,” I thought out loud. “Do you think she can ever overcome that?”
“I don’t know. All I can give her is time to heal.”
I thought about it. “I don’t believe in that saying that time heals all wounds.”
Maya gave me a troubled look. “It’s all I have to offer. I’m not a psychologist, so I wouldn’t even know how to talk to them about what happened in their past. I focus on their future and make sure my kids are fed and loved.”
“You’re doing an amazing job, Maya.” I gave the woman a hug from behind and smiled.
“Thank you, River. That means a lot to me.”
That night I searched how to trust again and found a long article that made me reflect on my own childhood trauma.
Unlike with Ana, there were no police reports to document what type of abuse I’d suffered. I didn’t have any memories of it either. My hunch that something had happened in my childhood was based on the strange fear that always crept over me when a man touched me.
My therapist had suggested hypnosis to bring out memories, but I’d declined. I wasn’t interested in reliving any potential abuse. I was, however, keen to know if there was a way to learn how to trust men. If I could find out for myself, then maybe I could help Ana too.
The article made a good point that it was a matter of replacing negative experiences with positive ones and that the best thing to do was take small but consistent steps to grow one’s comfort zone.
Again, Noah popped into my mind.
His strong sexual vibe scared me, but if I was honest, he’d been protective of me when he tried to warn me about Maximum’s flirting with Patricia. I had a little over two weeks left of my stay here, and then I’d never see him again. Flirting with Noah might help me challenge myself to take small steps and grow my comfort zone around sexually confident men, but I would have to be honest with him from the beginning. He needed to understand that sex was off the table.
But a kiss…
I smiled a little from the thought, and that’s when I made up my mind that tomorrow, I’d go to see him.
