Page 87 of River
“Don’t fall down the apples,” I called after her and pointed to Marvin. “Did you see what I just did there.”
Marvin nodded with a smile. “I appreciate it, my friend.”
It was cramped in my narrow bed with both River and me sleeping in it, but with her nuzzled up against my body, we lay for a long while and talked.
“Everyone is so nice here.”
“I know. Not least the puppies.” I kissed the top of her hair and tried to ignore the erection I had from her closeness. With River’s knee pulled up over my thigh and her hand on my chest, she probably wasn’t aware.
“What about your dog back home; Nala, was it?”
“She’s still living with Camilla, who has both Nala and King now. King is old, so he’ll retire soon. When I quit my job, I had to say goodbye to Nala. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
“It was brave of you to quit your job.”
“I’m redesigning my life and pursuing my dream of becoming the world’s best dog trainer.”
“That’s great.” She was quiet for a little while before she added. “My friends are gonna faint when they hear I’m with a dog trainer.”
“Why, because I’m not a banker or a celebrity?”
“Yes. Status matters to them.” River lifted her head up on my chest. “It used to matter to me too.”
“And now?”
“It’s been so gradual that I can’t say when it happened, but I feel very different about many things now. Like tonight when we sat in the kitchen with the others. Nigel’s sweater had a hole in it, none of the glasses matched, and the kitchen is in dire need of a paint job, but none of it mattered because I had such a lovely time.”
I combed her hair with my fingers as she kept talking.
“It was incredibly difficult for me to come here today, and I actually had a nervous breakdown.”
“What do you mean?”
“I woke up early, determined to set things right between us, took a plane to Dublin, and rented a car. Then I drove almost three hours, and the moment I pulled up in front of the farm, I couldn’t do it, so I drove away again.”
“Because you were scared to see me?”
“Yes. Remember how I told you that my mother got rejected from the cult when I was seven?”
“Yes.”
“It’s in here.” River pointed to her head. “My therapists have said it for years: that my need to cling to material things is related to my fear of rejection. That somehow, I associate the state of being good enough with having money.”
“But you still came.” My voice was soft.
“Yes, because no one has ever made me feel the way you do. When I’m with you, all the materialistic things don’t matter, and there’s such freedom in it.”
I was quiet for a while, an uneasy feeling stirring in my stomach. “I’m happy you feel that way, but I should tell you something.”
“Mhmm?”
“I’m not as poor as you think I am.”
“I never said that I thought you were poor.”
“My father died about a year ago, and he left me some money. That’s why I could afford to take a leave and travel for six months and why I could quit my job and do this. I have savings.”
“That’s good.” River looked deep into my eyes. “I have money, too, so together we’ll be fine. My house is paid off, so if we ever choose to live together…”
